Suspicion

I bought a tab book about a week ago and I haven't been able to put it down. There are way too many different parts to play. I guess it wasn't meant to be played solo. The problem here is the fact that I don't have anyone to play this with me. The writer probably has a lot of friends. I only have one friend that can play--and that's already including myself. Sad life. 

I think I should apologize to the world in general. Sometimes I say things that can be taken the wrong way, but I say them anyway because I'm stupid. Sometimes I'll say stuff like "Oh my gosh you're almost my favorite person" because I'm being honest... but at the same time I realize that if you're on the receiving end of things you'll probably think something along the lines of "Sorry I'm not good enough. Jerk." I can unintentionally be horrible sometimes, but I never mean anything in a malicious way. Truly. I'm sorry. I only realize what an idiot I am afterwards.

While I'm apologizing I might as well apologize for something else as well. Whenever people talk about the future I get really quiet. What I mean is when people say things like "Yeah, you can play at my wedding!" or "We'll play chess together when we're old!" I don't know how to respond because I'm a very skeptical person. I usually remain silent because in my mind I think things like, "Are we even going to be friends at that point?" or "Will you even want to hang out with me a month from now?" because I find that most people I meet are very temporary, so it's difficult for me to even think about the future. It's not because I don't want to because I usually do--rather, it's a defense mechanism. Even with H I still pause slightly. She then yells at me, "Hey, I hope you know we're going to be old ladies together! Gosh, you make me so mad sometimes!" I have trust issues, probably.

That's so me! The one getting punched, that is...

Why are people always wanting what they can't or aren't supposed to have. Myself included. You know what you should do, but you don't want to because what you want is something else. Ugh. Decisions. I have to confess that... I'm in the middle of a guy conundrum. Life problems.