Stock

Every time the guy downstairs tries to defrost his poultry he jumps around and throws it against the ground. It's incredibly irritating because my whole apartment shakes and it sounds like a murder is occurring down there. I'm not a creep, the only reason why I know he's trying to defrost poultry is because someone is always yelling "Did you get it to separate yet?" or something like that. I swear, in the future I'm just going to buy my own island and then I won't run into these problems that have to do with humanity. I'm really not too pleasant lately. It's probably a combination of sleep deprivation and continual decrease of faith in humankind.

I got over Taylor Swift after High School, but this is too cute. Nothing makes me smile more than seeing people truly happy doing the things they love--half because I'm jealous. They're brothers. My plan is to marry Bruce (orange shirt). There are too many people I want to marry. Whatever, I'll practice polyandry. Monogamy is only successful 50% of the time anyway (seriously, divorce rate is 1/2).