The usual

So... I just tripped over a curb and nearly died. I wouldn't have minded that much since this seems to be my constant state of being, but I happened to make a fool of myself in front of a large group of ESL students. Aiiyah.

I thought I'd do a version of "what people say and what they really mean" because we all say things to other people while we're thinking something else. Don't lie, I know you do these too.

"New ___? It looks great!"
Oh my gosh, that is so hideous what are they doing with their lives.

"No of course not, I'm not busy at all"
Can you shut up and let me get back to my show?

"Yeah! We should definitely hang out again sometime!"
Please don't call me again, please please please.

"What's your major?"
I don't really care and I'm not going to remember, but I feel the need to fill this awkward silence.

"Oh this? Yeah of course you can have one/try some!"
MY FOOD! MINE!! >:(

Clearly, there are quite a few more, but these are the ones I use/have seen people use the most often if they're talking to someone they're unfamiliar with.

Long day man.