Don't hate on my notes. You know it's beautiful. I don't like having information on ten different pages and crazily flipping around to find things. This guy said that it was too small. Well you know what else is small?! ...bacteria. Please, what did you think I was going to say? I ended up having to do three facials while drowning myself with caffeine to stay awake. I wonder if anyone has ever tried bathing in caffeine. People tend to do strange things. Do you think osmosis is faster than conventional consumption? I don't really know what I'm saying right now. I think I need to sleep.
I wish my PI would just buy a multi-channel pipette. I can feel the progression of arthritis in my carpals. What a day. I need some laughter medication.
You know what? Maybe I don't compliment people enough. I never compliment someone unless I truly mean it, but at the same time it's kind of embarrassing because I truly mean it. Does that even make sense? I don't want to turn into those people that compliment other people in a high pitched fake voice as they pretend to be nice and then turn around and talk about what an ugly whore they are. None of my friends have the tendency to over-compliment, so it's kind of awkward if I say something. It's kind of this code of unspoken compliments or we compliment jokingly. Something like that. I remember this girl in my lab that made me incredibly uncomfortable when she bombarded me with, "Omg! I love your hair and your shoes and your jacket! Omg! I really like your earrings too!" I was kind of in shock because it was so overwhelming. I didn't even know how to respond. I had to rely on my default: thanks and awkward laughter. How do you know if they're lying? I don't know, I don't really care about things like that. I'm happier if people compliment on personality because then you know for sure that it's genuine; but see, complimenting on personality is even more embarrassing than anything materialistic so it's quite the predicament.
I don't know what my conclusion is. Maybe I should just be quiet. Silence is surprisingly powerful. That's precisely why I'm only paying $50 for internet/television service that should be $110 and I don't even have a tv. Pro. brushes off shoulder
See? Words are unnecessary. Sorry, don't hate me for posting this buddy. This is one of my reasons for keeping Facebook. Ah, I guess I also don't tell people that I miss them unless I really do. Is that okay or should I lie? Sheesh. I don't know I'll think about this some more.
Have you guys ever seen Shallow Hal? It's an awesome movie about how a guy perceives the attractiveness of women based upon their inner beauty after becoming hypnotized in an... elevator, I think. It's been too long. In any case, I think people should be hypnotized.
If people are attractive I find that while I look at them and hold a conversation it's very easy to get distracted by all of that (true for both guys and girls). When I walk away I wonder whether I actually like them or if their attractiveness is blinding me from realizing that they're horrible people. To counter that there's something that I do. The first time I talk to someone I'll look at them directly, but after that initial meeting I'll stand next to them or put myself in a position where I don't have to stare at them while talking. The thing is after you get to know someone solely based upon personality your perception of their superficial appearance is altered as well. Someone highly attractive can become as disturbing as Frida Kahlo's unibrow and as dull as ceiling tiles whereas someone that looks like Mr. Bean can end up looking like Josh Duhamel--okay, that's a bit of a stretch, but I trust you know what I'm trying to say here, so we'll leave it at that.
Almost forgot about this song. Throwback!
I woke up happy. That's always a good sign. Too bad this won't last long. There's always this girl that complains about her life to me. Her life being ONE midterm in the next week. Good grief. I'm glad she's comfortable, but I'm not a therapist and her petty problems completely drain my energy. The only people that I wouldn't mind hearing complain don't unless it's something worth complaining about.
The only thing that's good about Mondays is the fact that I'm done at 4:00pm, but given the fact that I start at 7:00am that's still too long. I really didn't want to go to class this afternoon, but I overcame my sloth-like desire and I'm glad I did because I had a good laugh. I've come to accept the fact that Soybean is probably the only one that is ever truly happy to see me. It's probably because I feed him when he's hungry. What a cheap way to fool someone into liking you. I feel so manipulative. People need tails so that it'll be more apparent when they're happy because some people don't smile. I bought an executive laser pointer (super thin, super light, and super expensive, but it's necessary because perception is important) because my PI is a lazy toad and wants me to present for him 24/7 now because apparently people told him that I was funny and did a good job last time. He said that I made him look good. I'm flattered, but this is driving me insane. Anyway, I thought that cats were the only animals entertained by laser pointers, but he seemed to be having fun.
Sorry guys, my whole blog has become an ode to Soybean. I'll go back to my 'normal' style with the next post. I try very hard to only post about him intermittently, but he's just so dang cute.
His ears are so funny today. I tried putting it up or putting the other one down, but it didn't work.
I had a nightmare last night. I was presenting and my laser pointer didn't work. Then my TA appeared and told me that my lab report was late and that I got a parking ticket. I ran out to find my PI, wearing a black hoodie, driving my car away with my graduate student riding on the hood. The last thing I remember was these giant grasshopper things and Elmo chasing me down a mountain in Taiwan. It was horrible.
There were birds chirping outside today. It's been a while. What is with this fake spring weather? I'm slightly grateful, but I know it'll be gone in a few days. This weekend was too short.
I was supposed to get eaten by a mountain lion today, but I ended up drinking too much tea and I didn't want to leave the house because I was delusional. Maybe in the next few weeks. As it turns out I had to leave the house regardless because the only 'food' I had left was expired yogurt in the freezer and Sriracha sauce. Sad life.
I biked to Safeway. I know it doesn't make sense that I bike on the weekends and buy groceries, but it is what it is. I was at the checkout and I had forgotten a bag and the bagger lady (I'm sure there's a proper term for this) said, "Hey! Don't forget your um... uhh... giant grapefruit thing!" So cute.
I did it! I don't know how I managed to pull $4000 out of my butt without digging into my savings account, but I did it and I feel accomplished. I'm back to homeostasis. I must sound suspicious... don't worry I'm not part of some drug cartel... or am I?
I've never thought about this, but I was thinking about all of my past lab classes and realized something. I seem to have some type of disease or something where TA's gravitate towards me. I'm not sure if it's because I look incredibly clueless or if my body naturally releases some type of TA-seducing pheromone. I brought this up with my friend and she said, "Are you an idiot? It's not because of that. It's because you're the one person that's so damn loud, always laughing and joking around, that it makes them want to know what's going on in a lab that's supposed to be the most boring thing in the world." Oh. Is that really why? I thought my explanation seemed pretty rational. I guess that makes sense too. Too bad I don't really like talking to my lab TA. She keeps trying to brag to me about her accomplishments. I pretend to care when I don't. Does that make me a horrible person? I'm just trying to be polite. At least she's useful. I really like the assistant TA though. She's awesome because she puts up with my ridiculousness. "Christine!!!" "What, Joanna..." "Hi :)"
This is what I look like in class labs.
smacks my arm "Get back to work!" and then five minutes later "Joanna." "Yeah, what's up?" "Hi." HAHA. Too cool. It's probably because she's the assistant TA and no one is trying to kiss up to her due to the fact that she doesn't grade anything. People are so... 膚淺. Superficial? The Chinese is phrase is more accurate.
我真的...愛你愛到恨你了haha is that even possible? Get out of my head please. Should I go to clinic? I'm so lazy, but if I can make old people laugh... 8:00am is worth it.
I spent the past few days trying to get my stupid money from this lady. She emailed me and told me to call her, so I called her but she didn't answer. I tried again and the same thing happened, so I emailed her and asked her why the heck she wasn't answering her phone, but in a more civilized and elegant manner. She then emailed me back and told me to meet her at some office. I went to the office today and she told me I had to fill out some paperwork. I filled it out and she told me that I had to show her my ID card because my drivers license wasn't good enough. I walked back to my car and back to the office and handed it to her. She then said that I had to give her some proof of something which she didn't mention before and I left at my house. I went back to my house to get it and by the time I returned to her office she was gone. The other office lady said that she left early. What a waste of my life. Just give me my money! I don't understand why this has to be so complicated. Because of this stupid lady I had to take an hour off of work today. I hope you're satisfied with yourself. Freaking 잘했어 clap clap clap.
Last night my internet wasn't working. Once again. I called them and got this automated message that told me that they would fix it in the next four hours. Four hours passed and it still wasn't working, so I called again and it told me again that they would fix it within the next four hours. Clearly, we're being deceived here. I think the worst part is the automated person makes me feel like an idiot. "We hope to address this problem within the next four hours, please hang up the phone." I had no other option. I couldn't even talk to a real person.
Okay, I'm done ranting. I can't stand people that waste my time and make my life more difficult than it needs to be. These people should get eaten by the fat squirrels on campus. Seriously, has anyone else noticed that they have luscious silky smooth coats and they're incredibly well fed? I'll try to get a picture next time.
Last night I was drifting off to sleep when suddenly I saw a black thing on my wall. I turned on my lights and freaked out. It looked like a mini scorpion or something. It's times like these that I really miss you, M. My bug killer~ I spent the next 25 minutes attacking it with sprays and finally managed to tape it to the wall.
I'm really curious and very confused. I wonder if people go around seeking temporary relationships. This isn't limited to couple stuff, I'm talking about friendships as well. I've always had this concept firmly ingrained into my head that the purpose of interacting with people (given you like them) was to further develop a relationship. I'm not sure which alien implanted this theory into my brain, but it stuck and for this I am grateful because I have so many forever friends. I think it's self-explanatory, but I'll explain anyway: the types of friends that stay with you forever. Then I realized something... these people that I'm friends with probably all had the same concept ingrained into their brains by the same alien.
I remember in high school I was talking to some girl about these things and she said that I'm a really good friend and that she was jealous of my friendships. I didn't really understand what she meant and I said, "What are you talking about you have more friends than I do" and she responded with "Yeah, but I don't have everlasting friendships." That's when it hit me. Is it supposed to be difficult? I never thought that it could be because this has always been second nature to me. I don't do temporary. That's like a half friendship. If you're one of those friends then you have the unfortunate curse of being my friend for life. I care. I always care a lot. I call people just to say hi because why should I need a reason?
I used to get so frustrated at people that didn't call/text me. I never understood why I had to initiate everything and why I was always the one that cared more, but then I found out that they're not trying to frustrate me on purpose. In most cases they have this temporary mindset and they don't think so much into relationships. They don't care if we don't talk for a week whereas it'll drive me insane. I finally get it. I'm really quite stupid. Anyway, it's not that temporary people are bad, they just become my "hi" people because it's a useless... investment.
There has been an abundance of introspection lately. I'm still waiting for my lab results and I'm convinced I'm facing death, so perhaps that's why. I hope you guys aren't too bored.
I'm in the middle of a civilized disagreement with my aunt. I really think I'm right though. I should have a say in the decisions I make in regards to my life. If I want to become a prostitute and contract a multitude of STDs, I'm going to do it. I was slightly agitated while explaining my reasoning and out of nowhere she said, "妳的中文程度什麼時候變得這麼強...好嚇人!" which translates to roughly "Holy crap when did your Chinese get this good?" I don't partake in civilized disagreements often (especially not with friends... my last real fight was over Lunchables in third grade), but when I do I would like to get my point across. The main difference between a civilized disagreement and a fight is the prominence of joking around in civilized disagreements. I'm usually pretty good about filtering out large vocabulary words in colloquial settings because if I don't people would think I'm one of those arrogant jerks, but when I'm in a civilized disagreement I get frustrated and the filter disappears which means all of the suppressed vocabulary words resurface. I suppose this can work to my advantage as it often times leaves people speechless.
I bought Soybean a strawberry house. If he knew he was a guy he would probably kill me.
I keep leaving my keys in the house and then I go outside, close the door, and freak out because I think that I've locked myself out which isn't even possible because I don't have my keys. Another thing that I keep doing is I keep changing in front of the window. I have the blinds turned the right way so it shouldn't matter, but I'm still slightly concerned. I wonder how many car accidents I've induced.
I want to get eaten by a mountain lion. Just let me get eaten damn it.
If you're wondering why I'm up this early... I'm doing laundry (because everyone just looks this happy while doing laundry). I was thinking about doing it when I got home, but by the time I get back I'll probably want to collapse on the floor and then I'll be underwear-less the next day. Can Martin Luther King's awesomeness extend through Tuesday?
I have this tendency of overreacting to little things because I feel that they're more genuine in comparison to grandiose gestures. It goes a little something like this:
"You bought me a diamond ring? Woah, thanks!"
"You remember the name of the fish that I had in middle school?! I'M SO TOUCHED I LOVE YOU FOREVER!"
I'm also impressed when people remember my birthday because it's nearly impossible to use social media to figure this out and if you ask me I only answer you the first time you ask. I've tried to hide most things from the world--the world being Facebook. That thing scares the crap out of me. If not for the random messages I get from time to time that make me laugh I would just delete it. It's like a spam email address with infinite camera whore pictures of people positioning their arms on their waist at a 45 degree angle. I still don't understand the purpose of this. Everyone paints a pretty picture of their lives or alters a page based upon how they want the world to perceive them, but quite frankly I think everything is an over-exaggerated lie. Then the people that are blatantly honest are seen as boring. Where's the justice in that?
The other day some girl told me that I'm really nice to everyone. She's wrong. I don't think that I'm nice to many people; I find myself merely being polite. Even if you don't like someone you're still going to be forced to interact with them, so it's not particularly wise to throw courtesy to the wind. You don't need to go out of your way for them, general respect is fine. Unfortunately, not many people exhibit general respect for others to begin with, so I guess it's understandable that this is often misinterpreted as kindness. Trust me, if I'm being nice to you you'll know. It probably means we're friends or else I wouldn't bother investing energy and time. Time is a big thing for most people, myself included. There's never enough of it. If you're willing to share/spend time with someone else the marginal benefit must exceed the total cost (too tempting, had to throw in some Econ) or why bother at all. To sum this up we can link this back to my fundamental theory of social interactions: there's no point in spending time with someone unless you find yourself happier than when you're alone.
If I was to be reincarnated I would hope to be a twig. There's not much to think about when you're a twig. Your greatest concern would be getting stepped on by someone, but even then it's not that big of a deal because it's not like you die, you just multiply.
I ended up video chatting with H for more than three hours today. I mean, that's typically how long our phone conversations last. It's difficult to find people that you can stand to talk to for such a long duration without going insane (once again, especially in this city). Usually after talking to/hanging out with someone for an extended period of time people run out of things to say and it turns into forced conversation teeming with awkward silences. Whenever I'm in this situation I feel like a rodent trapped in a cardboard box clawing around frantically desperately in search of an escape route. More often than not I'll end it with something like, "Okay, I have to go... lint roll my shoe" or something equally ridiculous just to get out of there. Desperate times call for desperate... excuses. Of course, not all silence is bad. Comfortable silence is the best. When you can walk next to someone/talk to someone on the phone and be completely silent without feeling the overwhelming need to say something for the sake of saying something. How often have you experienced this with people unrelated to you? It's rare. I'm kind of lucky.
While we're talking about people why does everything have to be a competition all the time? Why does it matter how many publications you have or how expensive your car is? Don't people ever get tired? I'm tired. I will gladly lose if it means they'll shut up. I wish I could be awesome and just do this in response to peoples' absurdity.
I'm going to puke bile. I'm so dizzy. Four more days until I can eat something. I must persevere!
When I finally decide to be fuel efficient and bike again this happens: I swerved to avoid a car, hit a curb, and flew three feet into a conveniently placed patch of grass which wasn't embarrassing at all. The fall seemed to awaken my monthly curse and that pretty much sums up my life in a nutshell.
My friend and I spent 5 hours at a coffee shop perfecting some homework assignment. I left feeling semi-accomplished and smelling like burnt coffee. She told me that she felt really happy and that she could be "comfortable" around me even though she can't usually around other people--joke around, be herself and such. We haven't known each other for that long, but I get that a lot for some reason. I'm not sure how comfortable I feel in most cases, but I'm glad that people can be comfortable around me.
I hate myself. I tried to move all of the pictures of Soybean into a separate album because they were taking over my phone, but I ended up deleting them instead. :(
I'm kind of tired, so we'll end this here. Go listen to this because it's good.
Yes, I'm playing in the dark. I was going to play through it, but the desire to check my text was greater. My friend told me to stop posting my crappy piano playing on here. :( "Can't you post something real for once? You don't play like this in real life..." "How insulting! How do you know I don't play like this in real life?" "WTH! I've been to your concerts!" Oops. You went? I never know... The bouquet must have been too small or I would have remembered. HA. I'll think about it, but I don't really want to... classical music is too serious and I would go insane because I'm not Valentina Lisitsa status. Anything less than perfection is unsatisfactory.
I didn't tell you guys, but a while ago I auditioned to be the solo pianist for the jazz ensemble. He hated me. Well, sort of. It went something like this:
"When did you start playing jazz improvisation?"
"Not too long ago, haha."
"Yeah, I can tell. It's not that your notes are incorrect, you feel--stiff. Were you classically trained by any chance?"
"Yes, I was."
"Would you mind playing a classical piece?"
"Um, sure. Do you have a preference for composer?"
"No, just play." plays Chopin Op. 64 No. 2 crappily
"Are your hands cold?"
"Kind of... why?"
"You skipped two notes around the 60th measure."
"Oh... sorry... o_o"
"It's too soon for you to be a solo jazz pianist, but you should consider trying out for solo pianist in the classical orchestra. There's only one spot. They're performing Rachmaninoff this year. I'll put in a good word for you."
I was so nervous when he told me to play classical. Totally wasn't expecting that. I blanked out in the middle, so thank goodness for muscle memory. Too intense. I don't know why I put myself through these stressful things. Anyway, classical orchestra? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not a Rachmaninoff fan. Also, playing jazz was me trying to be adventurous. So much for that.
I keep updating because I'm waiting for a phone call. Hurry up you dang snail.
If I die tomorrow I will regret everything I've done with my life. I have done nothing that I've wanted to do. I've accomplished nothing amazing. I have gone nowhere. Do you know how depressing this is? What if I get hit by a bus tomorrow (the way those student bus drivers drive this is highly likely)? What the fruit is my gravestone going to say? Joanna has done nothing with her life. Leave a flower to help her decompose. If you guys really do leave me a flower either leave Orchids or white roses. Whoever leaves me a sunflower... I'll haunt you in your sleep.
I think the only thing I don't regret is my collection of awesome friends. Especially 1-2, but we'll include 3 as well. I'm very grateful to have met these people. I don't believe in coincidence as most things happen for a reason.
1. The most amazing people I've ever met, talk to nearly everyday, share the same ideologies, and wouldn't mind being attached to by means of a vestigial organ (2)
2. Awesome people that I often hang out and joke around with (25)
3. Okay people that I can stand to hang out with once in a while without stabbing myself (50)
4. People that I would greet (500)
5. If I see these people I avoid eye contact and jump into a nearby bush (1000)
All of the categories are mutually exclusive. I figure I probably only know about 1577 people right?
Why do people always seek my approval of their boyfriends? I'm not a mom, you know? I mean, I'm flattered that my opinion matters, but the probability I will like your boyfriend is incredibly low as I never think anyone is good enough for my friends (especially if you're higher up on the above pyramid), so if you don't want to be disappointed then I would suggest not asking because I feel bad telling the truth.
I've missed this song. I get irritated with it because I don't like anything after 1:23. You be the judge.
I don't tell people anything about myself unless they ask. The thing is... no one ever asks. More often than not people are only concerned about themselves. This isn't abnormal or surprising. It's actually more abnormal and surprising to find people that genuinely care--especially in this city. A few days ago I realized that I've known this one girl for almost two years now and I know her really well, but she knows nothing about me at all. What's kind of odd is the fact that I've assumed that we were close, but in reality it's rather one sided. I'm not too sure why I didn't notice this until I had a two hour conversation with my friend and realized that she now knows more about me than that girl that I've known for two years. I mean people don't ask unless they want to know and they don't want to know unless they care, right? Interesting. I think I need to re-evaluate my friendships. Yeah, I don't know why my epiphanies occur so early in the morning. What's more ridiculous is I woke up at 5am and started thinking about this while wiggling around in my blanket cocoon. I think I'm fine with people being self-absorbed. I would rather live a life shrouded in mystery than lying exposed on an operating table.
I really don't know what I was thinking when I bought this. Do you think cognitive ability decreases at 4:00am? Mine probably does. I don't know. It looked good at the time for some reason, but now I'm not too sure where to begin. If you don't know what this is it's a pomelo.
I didn't do much today. They told me not to go into clinic, but I went anyways because I'm a good person. Actually the truth is I forgot and drove all the way to Sacramento because it's already programmed into my brain. I really like old people. They're usually very kind. Most of them tell me that I'm "quite charming." I'm not sure if that's something to be happy about because aren't guys supposed to be charming? Or is that an incorrect assumption stemming from childhood actuation of Disney's Prince Charming ideology? Grandma candy makes me happy. I never eat it, but I feel like it's a prized possession to them or something. When I'm a grandma I'll carry around grandma candy too... though in my case they might just think I'm a pedophile in disguise.
Yesterday morning I presented research findings for my lazy PI. I think this is the first time in my life where I feel like my crazy PowerPoint meticulousness and all of the time spent on fancy animations were worth it. They seemed to like it. After I finished some doctor person approached me, "I'm utterly blown away. That was very captivating--the best presentation I've seen in years--and believe me, I go to many seminars." SLEEP DEPRIVATION WAS WORTH IT. What a nice compliment. I can't believe they actually listened. I'm was so happy that I thought I was going to cry... or maybe I was going to cry because my dry hands were bleeding again as they are today as well.
I'm actually quite happy today even though it's a Thursday. Why? It's a secret. :)
I got a splinter from a kiwi today. Doing the impossible since... I was born, basically. Tuesdays and Thursdays are such long days. I just got back home and saw a package sitting in front of my door. I didn't remember ordering anything online, but it had my name on it, so I opened the box to find this:
Really?! Do you not think you're being just a tad ridiculous? I was telling my friend about how the wind keeps coming through the windows at night and how it's directly over my bed. She repeatedly told me to tape the crevices shut, but I'm so lazy that I told her I would rather freeze. As you can tell she got tired of scolding me. Six rolls, really?! What am I supposed to do with all of this? Kidnap someone?? I hope you're satisfied. You've made your point. I'll do it this weekend. -_- Seriously, the majority of my friends are completely ridiculous, but how can you not smile when you see something like this? Too cute.
Oh my gosh... I haven't even started on my presentation (yes, the first thing I do when I come home is blog because that's how much I love you guys). I don't know why I feel pressured to make people laugh and teach the material properly. Why do I even care when no one else does? Ah, seriously I'm so stupid.
You know what makes me uncomfortable? I get incredibly uncomfortable when people A. talk to me with a fake voice B. try to 'sell' me something or C. don't smile. This bothers me so much that my eye starts twitching, I start laughing awkwardly, and I get fidgety trying to look for an exit route. Also, if I force smiles my eye starts twitching. Anyway, I ran into a girl that did all of the above. My gosh. I usually try to avoid those clipboard people, but for some reason I didn't notice her because she blended in with a tree like a chameleon and my usual preventative measures didn't work. I usually approach them first because that way I catch them off guard. Then I utter a greeting that's long enough for me to pass them; for instance, "Hello, good morning! How are you? Have a good day!" smile and then walk away quickly. By the time they realize what has happened I'm too far away to chase. Unfortunately, this girl was so determined that she pursued me and tried to sell XYZ product to me. I don't even remember what it was because I was only concerned about my sanity at that point. She kept pushing for my phone number, but I refused to give it to her. Woman, I don't even give my lab partners my number do you really think I'm going to give it to you? I usually handle these types of things gracefully, but it was rather difficult to abscond, so I had to stop her mid-sentence and make my departure. So dense.
I came across this song again. Old, but still good. It's a good song to get dressed to. Yes, I still do that. Hm, too bad none of them are good looking.
If I find something that I like I don't like to change it. The only thing I experiment with is shampoo and other hair products. I want to try Fekkai, but it's overpriced. Anyway, I've been using the same type of soap since high school. When I ran out of soap I went to buy more, but they didn't have the one that I usually use, so I ended up buying this one that said winter care. I was skeptical, but after I showered I looked at my hands and realized that they look better than they usually do (and the scent isn't flower-y either which I can't stand). They look less... grandma-like. At this point I didn't think it was possible to cure my dry grandma hands, but after using this soap a small miracle has happened. I hope this isn't merely placebo effect.
"Why would you even try to deny your OCD? Do you remember the first thing you told me when we were staying at the place?"
"What? What did I do I don't remember..."
"You told me not to put anything down and you started frantically wiping all of the tables -_-"
Two more weeks until I can finally eat something. I'm so hungry. It's legit this time. It's not because I bought too much clothes or anything stupid like that. I spent $1000 on car maintenance and $3000 on co-payment for getting sliced open (can you believe the total was $6000?), so where does that leave me? I'm literally staring at the $3.64 sitting in my checking account right now and feeling sorry for myself. After eating one apple and one yogurt per day for the past week I've realized that it's really not necessary to eat much and still survive; however, I am getting sick of apples and yogurt. I just... want a salad. :(
I was reading the news (because that's what I do for fun) and there was this ridiculous article about a train molester in Asia. Who said news isn't entertaining?
"Pervert! Stop him! He tried to molest me!"
"Wait, no. This is all a misunderstanding! I'm sorry, I meant to molest the woman next to you with the mini skirt on."
At least he's honest. I think I've been hanging out too much recently. I'm not normally this social. The truth is people probably only come over to see me because they want to play with Soybean. I wish he would stop growing. I should really work on my presentation since it's on Wednesday, but my TA has yet to respond to my email (surprise, surprise), so I'm sitting here refreshing the page while counting dots on my wall.
Did you know that some people plan out their outfits everyday? That's pretty intense. Is that if you're trying to impress people or is it merely a convenience thing? I don't think I could ever do that. I'm lucky if I leave the house and I'm clothed--or rather, the rest of you are lucky because that way you can keep your vision. I'm only mentioning this because I was accused of planning my outfits because I'm too "fashionable" or something like that I forgot what she said. It's strategy, my dear Watson. Juxtaposition: solids with patterns, bright with dark, and formal with cute. This lets me sleep an extra fifteen minutes which is oh so very worth it. When you think about it it's like throwing a neon pink table cloth over an elephant. You know that there's an elephant underneath the table cloth, but the table cloth is so distracting that you overlook the elephant. Only now did I realize I just compared myself to an elephant. It is what it is.
This is kind of a strange thing to want, but I want one of those traditional tea ceremony teapots. I heard they bring out the flavor in tea. I'm not sure if it's actually true, but I want to try. I know that it's typically used to entertain old-people guests... I guess I can entertain myself.
Isn't this cute? I think it's cute. I love giraffes. They seem like nice creatures--well, except when they get all intense-territorial-neck-battling status. Discovery channel is way too dramatic.
This morning I thought it would be a good idea to do some grocery shopping at 4am. I went outside and my whole car had turned into an ice cube. I spent about fifteen minutes scraping my windows to no avail. Nothing would come off and I was getting scared because there was a shady guy smoking on the sidewalk across the street next to a sketchy gas station. I decided to leave and drove with my head sticking out the window. It's good that no one is out at that time because I would have caused a car crash. I ended up only buying oranges even though I hate peeling them. After you peel an orange you end up smelling like oranges for the next two days and then your fingernails turn orange. I have a minimally invasive method in which I use a spoon to separate the rind from the fruit. Maybe I'll show you guys one day. Ah, what a hassle. My designated orange peeler has returned to New York.
I want to go here: Maldives. I heard the islands would disappear in a few years due to global warming. What a shame! It's so pretty.
"I just thought I should let you know how disgusting your high pitched-baby voice is when you talk to your dog. I hope you never have kids."
Aren't you supposed to speak to them in a higher pitch so they know?! At least that's what some magazine said... emulate the sounds of the mother dog something something. Leave me alone! Let me be disgusting. I can't just be like "YO! I'm going to feed you homie!" I think I understand your sentiments though. I agree that I'm disgusting. I honestly didn't discover the existence of my fake high-pitched baby voice until I started talking to Soybean.
Three of my stitches have fallen out. I can't help it, my friends are too funny. I called my surgeon and asked him if I should be concerned or if I should try to stitch it back into place:
"Are you bleeding?"
"No."
"Did the bone graft leak out?"
"No."
"Do you want to get an infection?"
"No."
"Leave it, don't touch it, and stop laughing."
"Yes, master."
What kind of ridiculous people eat yogurt in this weather? We are so smart. I'm already cold all the time--including all of the time spent in those half-heated classrooms. I probably have some form of a blood circulation disease. If there were ever a time to steal an incubator from work it would be now. I'm not too sure how much that would contribute to heating up my apartment. I would probably end up growing a bunch of bacteria instead because that's generally how my life plays out when I execute my 'brilliant' ideas.
I really love Yahoo. I feel like they're very in tune with my ideologies. Take this article for example in which Watson (Watson and Crick) states that the progression of cancer research is nearly nonexistent. That's what I've been trying to tell everyone since I started GI research in Sacramento, but no one listens to me! If you look at the cancer research papers they all talk about what isn't causing it (mine included).The double helix guy has to tell them for them to realize "Ahh, yes there will most likely not be a prominent cancer-curing drug in the next century." Please, any idiot can tell you that. I certainly did.
Every time I go to Costco I always tell myself that I'm not going to buy any type of food because I can't finish it. You would think that I learned my lesson with that giant bag of broccoli last year... I pretty much ate only broccoli for a week and I was still unable to finish it. It got to the point where I was dreaming about broccoli. Being the genius that I am, I forgot about all of this, bought a giant container of kiwis, and am now trying very hard to finish them. I feel as if I've eaten ten already, but if that's true WHY is it still full?! Icing on the cake (I hate that saying): I don't even like kiwis.
The quarter doesn't begin until I get lost at least once. I went to the wrong room today. You would think that after four years... You know, in my defense the class that I went to was also teaching neurology/physiology except they were focusing on drug interactions.
When I finally wandered into the correct classroom... tears of joy. My neurology/physiology TA is so useful that it makes up for the cruel and unusual punishment inflicted by the TA I mentioned previously. Also, she knows my name already. Amazing right? Though I guess that might be because I walked in five minutes late like a lost idiot. It's kind of sad how amazed I am when I get someone useful/not a horrible person. The public school system is failing all of us that's for sure. I knew I should have gone to Stanford. Just kidding--I got wait-listed for life. Actually a few months ago I got a letter from them saying that I've been accepted into their undergraduate program. Who do you think you are Stanford?! No one needs you anyway.
If you live in Palo Alto it probably means you're filthy rich. Example #1 Steve Jobs. When I was interning at Stanford I went to my friend's house (another girl interning with me) and it was completely insane. It looked like something out of a catalog or The O.C. and I asked her if she was rich. She responded with, "What? No way! Doesn't everyone have houses like this?" I didn't know if she was serious or not, so I said something along the lines of, "Yeah, definitely..."
Actually, this is legit. My friend's friend is selling this house. If you have 3.5 million lying around let me know and I'll give you the contact info. I should invite her to my apartment. She'll think that I live in a freaking casucha.
Did anyone else play on those McDonald's play pens when they were younger? I used to love them as a child. Only now do I realize that those places are bacterial cesspools waiting to feed upon the cells of tiny humans. It reminds me of an article I read about the grocery store in which it stated that often times fecal matter from diapers would leak onto those child seats, but stores would neglect to clean them properly. Feces seat. Delicious. Is it ridiculous if I bring my own Clorox wipe to wipe the cart when we buy groceries? M thinks I am. I think it's reasonable. Ignorant people are probably living happier lives.
I felt uncomfortable the whole day. I couldn't really pinpoint why this was until I got home and found out that my underwear was backwards. Are you kidding me? Foreshadowing this quarter...
I seriously have the worst luck in the world. This should be against the rules or something because it's cruel. This is the fifth time I've had this one TA that I really don't like. I always wonder whether she'll magically turn into a good person, but she doesn't. She's horrible every single time. She's consistent to say the least. I think I spent the greater half of class shaking my head when I would have rather been... I don't know... shaking my booty. -_- STRESS!
Although it's only the first day I already feel stressed. My stress has nothing to do with school or work because those are constant and predictable--classes and tissue culture respectively. My stress comes from worrying about Soybean. I go to class and I wonder if he's cold or hungry. I homogenize a sample at work and I worry about whether or not I put out enough toys for him to play with. It's so frustrating! If I had kids I would have a mental breakdown. I'm already on the verge of one.
How is it over already when it hasn't even begun? I feel like I just started hanging out with people. Sigh. At least I've seen most of the important people at least once. I need to get out of America... NOW. I feel as if I've contracted an energy sucking leech that has yet to detach from my arm and the best solution is to run away. Seriously, if anyone is planning on traveling please take me. I'll be quiet I swear. I'm very close to legitimate insanity at this point in my life.
If I was an angry bird do you know who I would shoot myself at? The possibilities are endless. I would hope to be that black bomb one because it can get rid of several disturbances at once.
I'm not hoping for much anymore because there's no point. Miracles don't happen in my life. I merely desire teachers that don't care and TA's that are too lazy to scrutinize assignments. They don't even need to be helpful... PLEASE! Ah, this is probably still too much to ask for. The lower my expectations are the less I'll be disappointed when everyone I have to interact with ends up being a horrible person. :(
This song is catchy. My cousin told me what it meant yesterday. Think dirty. Figure it out. I'm really not surprised.
I tried to roast chestnuts for the first time in my life (not on an open fire, mind you). As usual, tried is the keyword here. Yeah, that didn't work out too well. I ended up cutting my finger twice and almost ripping a nail off. I didn't cut the slit large enough and a few of them exploded in my little toaster oven. Chestnuts are pretty vicious. It's difficult to believe that they come out of these furry green balls on a tree. Don't those look friendly? Like a Furby. Just kidding, Furby's have always been creepy.
See?! I'm not the only one that thinks people are like this! Thank you, Yahoo. This is exactly what I'm talking about.
If only every day could be like this...
I have this constant problem where I'll look at things "Oh my gosh! So amazing! I must buy it!" and then I look at the price and, "Oh wow, $300 let me just shoot myself now." I wish I could stop wanting and buying things. It's a disease for both my mentality and my bank account.
When the soap gets down to about three millimeters thick it probably means that it's time to change it; however, no one ever wants to change it because they are lazy and they assume that the next person will do so. I'm tired of this battle so I will just open a new soap bar. Love and peace people.
Today has been the most tiring day of the year. Seeing as how there have only been four days in the year there will only be more to come. This was the good kind of tiring though, so I don't mind.
After watching Les Miserables I can safely conclude that it was over-hyped and not as good as I was hoping. I didn't like any of the characters, so it was difficult to stay awake. Maybe my expectations were too high. I was mainly watching it because I'm an Anne Hathaway fan. Unfortunately, she appeared on screen for ten minutes, died, and came back as a ghost for another five minutes at the end. I now think that she is completely insane, hardcore, and my respect for her has increased tremendously. I heard that she ate two pieces of oatmeal paste each day for a few months to look diseased for this role. Given that she only had 20 minutes of air time in a two and a half hour movie, that is some crazy dedication right there. If I were to do something like that each individual piece of oatmeal paste best be the size of my leg.
You guys know what a snake charmer is? Well, I'm an old people charmer. For some odd reason I have this way of seducing older people into liking me--useless talents as usual. It's probably because I'm one of them. I honestly feel that my inner self is a 67 year old grandma. This may have something to do with the fact that my back is always hurting (although this could possibly be due to falling off the balcony ten years ago) and my incredibly dry hands.
"What do you do for fun?"
"...play music..."
"What? You're so weird... and old"
I suppose. What do normal people do for fun? I don't know, maybe it's a good thing. I like older people more than people around my age anyways. They're less... stupid and useless. You know that saying? You can learn something from everyone you meet or something like that? The incidence and probability of that occurring is infinitely higher in people that are older. Come to think of it I don't have many friends that are younger than me and the ones that I do have tend to not be stupid and useless. This is rather conspicuous and should be inherent to most people, so I don't know why I'm even talking about this. Why would you purposely seek out stupid and useless friends, right?
I got a call this morning at 4:00am from some guy in New York, "Hey, sexy what are you doing?" I was so confused, "Whaa? I'm sleeping you have the wrong number" "I don't understand didn't you give me this number at the bar the other night?" Poor guy. What a horrible, but understandable thing to do. I must learn from this mysterious sexy girl.
Thanks guys, for driving so far to visit me and paying the $5 toll fee. I'm so touched~ My friends came up to see if I was alive, hangout, and play with Soybean. I laughed so much today that I had to physically hold my stitches in with my hand. In the end, one of them fell out, but I'm not gushing blood or anything, so it should be okay maybe.
"I bet your cabinets are completely empty."
"Yeah, you don't eat food"
"What?! That's absurd. Look, they're full!"
...of expensive tea and dog treats. Tea is vital for life and everyone knows that my dog eats better than I do, so this is justified.
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