NYE

I finally watched Brave which is highly uncharacteristic of me because I usually watch all Pixar movies in theaters, but I think what turned me off was the fact that the main characters had red hair. Honestly, gingers scare me. This might be a side effect/residual PTSD from my ginger roommate freshman year. Well, it was an okay movie, but it was atypical... it seemed more like a Dreamworks production mostly because Pixar movies usually have more finesse--not that Dreamworks doesn't, but I've only adored Shrek 2 and How to Train Your Dragon.

I wonder how many bottles of champagne will be opened and how many ridiculously large items will be dropped from tremendous heights at 12:00am. I wonder who started this tradition and why it's necessary--the dropping things, not the drinking. I'm pretty sure people have been getting drunk since the dawn of time.

All of my papers are going to look like this until around March. That's when I accept the fact that the year has changed. 

Almost over

I feel like all I've done over break is drive. I don't know how many trips I've made already, but this is getting rather ridiculous. I might as well put this on my resume and apply to be a chauffeur. When I got back I realized that I forgot to put a cup of tea that I brewed into the refrigerator. I looked at the cup and its contents were frozen. That's insane! I guess it shouldn't be too surprising as the temperature inside my house and outside are pretty similar. I looked more closely at the ice and there was mold-ish thing on it. What kind of crazy bacteria/fungi decides to grow on an ice cube?! I didn't think that psychrophilic bacteria actually existed. I mean, you assume these things only exist in textbooks or modified classroom labs. Maybe it was Listeria. To be honest I was really tempted to streak and culture it on a petri plate, but I would probably get yelled at for wasting resources... then again no one is working this week, so I'm sure no one would notice one extra petri plate in the cold room.

I love Christmas lights. They make me happy. Of course I would never put them up on my own house, but they're nice to look at--like heck I'm paying three times the electricity bill. My favorite are those swirly Christmas trees. I might cause an accident one of these days because I keep slowing down to stare at decorated houses. What I don't appreciate are those giant signs that say NOEL or JOY because 1. I think that having giant words takes away from the tranquil beauty of the lights and 2. Joy was the name of the TA that I hated the most and hope to never see again. Gosh, I complain about my TA's on here quite often. I hope they never find me and come after me with chainsaws.

Look at my drunk dog. I altered the sweater and put it on him (this took about 30 minutes), but he got confused and had some difficulties walking. Ignore my laughing throughout the video or better yet please mute the video. I was trying to hold it in, but it was too funny. :)

Dejected

My friend bought me a light blue coat with a fur lined collar, which is really nice of her because I've been looking for a colored coat, but I look like a wall street banker or a millionaire's wife. When I wear it I feel as if I should be smoking a Cruella Deville pipe with long fake red nails on accompanied by a fake British accent--completely inappropriate for both work and class. It's kind of long and I'm not that tall, so the proportion is a bit off... that might be why. I'm not too sure what I should do with it. Maybe I should become a wall street banker or a millionaire's wife. I feel bad because it seems to be incredibly expensive. In hindsight it's my fault for not being two inches taller. I will try harder to find a proper occasion in which to wear this.

I actually went out today to buy some groceries despite the fact that I'm still swollen (I walked very slowly to avoid anything falling out of place). Unfortunately, I saw someone that I knew, so I quickly grabbed a package of toilet paper to hide myself only to receive odd stares from other shoppers. That may not have been the smartest course of action, but I did avert a crisis. Stealth mode.

I keep getting booty calls from some guy in Washington that thinks my name is Jose. By booty calls I mean calls about changing the windows in my house and re-tiling the floors. I usually don't respond to numbers I don't know, but this guy was so persistent and annoying (he left several voice messages) that I answered:
"Hi, I think you have the wrong number."
"Isn't this ##########?"
"Yes, but I do not own a house."
"Jose?"
"No..."
"Oh... Would you like to re-tile your floors?"
"...-_-"

Nakedness

Every article of clothing I buy him is always big. I needed to see how much I had to alter and after struggling with him for 15 minutes I finally got him into this stupid sweater, but I couldn't get him out because he was tired from fighting me. What could I do except smile and take photos? 

Random video of my cousins playing with Soybean. He loves chasing after that white pig. I think it's hilarious and super cute because it's bigger than his head and sometimes he gets so excited that he flips his whole body over the pig. My friend said that I should start a Youtube channel for him and he could be the new Boo. I really don't think that would work as you can't exactly cut chihuahua hair any shorter than it already is. I could perhaps try one of those ridiculous buzz cut writing in hair types of things, but I'm afraid he'll develop Trichotillomania. Anyway, it's things like this that get me through this morbidly swollen day. 

Bitter melon

"Here, 2 tablets of Ibuprofen"
"........" sad face
"What? Do you need something stronger?"
"You just chopped me open like a vegetable..."
"Do you know what Vicodin is?"
"YESSSSSSSSSS and you have to at least give me 5:500mg"
"...You're not here for drugs right?"
"I can't stand being in pain."
"Okay then, avoid people that make you laugh or your stitches will fall out."

Success! I should have asked for 10:500mg. Stingy surgeon... only 20 pills and no refills.

I don't really think it's possible. Do you know how much I laugh? I can hardly look in the mirror and prevent myself from laughing, but I am in so much pain right now it's not even funny. I have been confined to my bed the whole day. I feel like a worthless piece of rotting flesh. I was only forced up when Soybean got hungry and started licking me as if I were filet mignon.

Terminal

Let's see... today I did the most Christmas-y thing I've ever done in my whole life. I made a gingerbread mansion with my cousins. No, I don't mean a gingerbread house. We collaborated and made a huge thing (even though at the end they got sick of it and I ended up finishing it while they played on their iPads). Honestly if you look at it it's a bit mature to be a typical gingerbread house. There's no crazy candy everywhere. We are boring--this could potentially be someone's house. Don't hate on the triangular hole on the left side. The sour patch kids were supposed to go there, but we couldn't find any.

Then we watched Home Alone while I attempted to get drunk on this tiny 50mL bottle of plum wine. It tasted horrendous, but for some reason I didn't break out in hives this time. I managed to finish it all! I'm so proud of myself. Blegh, gross... though it did take me four hours. Anyway, my reasoning behind this is because tomorrow is the day. I'm not sure if the procedure is more concerning or if the day my lab results come back is. Is it bad that I kind of want cancer? Then I can stop going to school and be like eff this I'm traveling the world  peace out. Ah, whatever.

Check this out. This video is really sweet. I cried tears of happiness, but I guess that's not saying much since I cry a lot in general.

Onions

I was trying to think about what I should be doing on Christmas Eve and suddenly it became Christmas, so I guess I failed. What do people do during Christmas Eve anyways? Is the feasting supposed to start on the 24th or the 25th? I get to start consuming antibacterial medication on the 25th! Joy to the freaking world. Haha, I'm sorry. In reality I'm not as grumpy about this as I seem like I am while complaining on here. It is what it is. Being upset that life is unjust won't change much, so... just go with it, you know?

Ah! I think that's what happens. People open presents on Christmas Eve right? Or is that Christmas morning? I don't know. Someone educate me please. Actually, I'm just going to go Google this after I finish this post. My presents to myself came today. :) I really need to stop buying shoes because I have nowhere to put them. I keep repeating myself, but I forget and buy them anyways. How can you resist this? Too sexy. When it comes time to put them away I look around and I'm always like, "Damn!" and then I have to rearrange all of the shoes in the closet and next to the door because boots and heels don't fit in the--no one cares, but anyone else have this problem? I'm sure I'm not the only one.

No matter how hard people try to design them, rain boots will always be ugly and highly unattractive. Maybe incredibly tall people can pull it off, but if you wear rain boots and you're 5'6'' or under you look like a midget (I say this because I'm 5'6''). I've never seen anyone wear rain boots and thought, "Wow, I have to buy those" because they're always ugly. Always. I know that this may perhaps be a practicality issue as people don't want their feet to get wet, but I mean... if you spend tons of money on Coach rain boots and think that you're the crap then yeah, perhaps you should invest in plastic surgery instead. Sorry, I'm being hostile again and it's Christmas. Merry Christmas!

Christmas card status right? Soybean burrito. Vegetarian ;) inspired by H. Dang. I got mad at him today, but he loves me despite my anger. How do you stay mad at something like that?! How frustrating!

Click

My hometown is no joke right  now. I've never seen flooding this intense since the typhoon in Taiwan that delayed my plane for six hours. I went to pick up some bread at Safeway and after I finally found parking and opened the door I stepped out into six inches of water. I think I understand why people wear boat shoes now. They're very useful as they dry within 15 minutes. It didn't really help that everyone left early this morning and took all of the umbrellas. The only umbrella left was this Pooh bear kids umbrella. Try using that in this madness. Imagine this, but more ridiculous. I might as well have been using those Martini umbrellas. My face was dry, but that's about it. The rest of my body looked like I had minions following me around with hoses all day. It was kind of embarrassing because I ran into people at random places today looking like some wet dog.

I'm surprised I didn't die on the freeway. I drove 60 mph the whole way... and you guys are well aware of how fast I usually drive... it was really dangerous though hence snail status. If you've driven through large puddles at high speed you know it feels like your car is going to flip over. Then a few hours after I got off the highway they closed it off because it was flooded. See? Could have died. Anyway, I made it, but... I did forget about the bridge fee and I payed with a bunch of coins and a few dollars like a homeless person buying cigarettes. I ended up short, but she let me pass anyway because I'm seductive. Not really, she probably just felt sorry for me.

Tasty

LOL. My aunt keeps stealing my dog when I'm not looking and scaring the crap out of me. I thought he might have ran into the bathroom and started to panic until I went to my aunt and saw her giggling and petting him. I should have known since he's a good dog and doesn't go anywhere without approval. He really likes her for some reason. Recently, I have this tendency to want to pet everything. This may be because I haven't had much human interaction. I was with my friend today and I almost pet her head until I realized what I was doing, laughed at myself, and pet her anyway. She didn't even respond because she said it's normal for me to do random things like that.

We went to this new tea place and got a giant green tea toast thing (I'm sure it has a more elegant name) because that's what you do when you get old: go around trying new cafes and drinking tea to be classy. It looks good right? It's impossible to finish this by yourself, so bring a friend. We couldn't even finish it. It's called Sweetea Cafe, or something with an equally cheesy tea pun, located in a remote area where from the outside looks like murders and body dumping occur, but the atmosphere inside is rather elegant and screams Beverly Hills $10 for a cup of tea the size of a shot glass (it's only $9.99, don't worry--just kidding it's decently priced). It's worth a visit if you're in the area.

Well, I'm heading back to school tomorrow, but I'm coming back down on Christmas. I was warned against driving on the 24th due to all of the drunkards. Valid reasoning. What a waste of gas, but you've got to do what you've got to do. Anyway, let's hang out before the 26th. That's when I'm getting sliced open. I figure after that I'll be on my death bed for at least a week. Darn. Happy holidays, right?

EOW

I got back a while ago. It's kind of warm here. I guess compared to school most places are.

So after I took a few x-rays I was sent to take some more CT scans. The guy didn't do it correctly the first time because he forgot to focus the thing, so he said he needed to retake it. That's just great. I'm full of radiation. Well I'm probably dying soon anyway, so let's hang out before that happens. I wanted to take a picture of my scans and post them because I thought they looked cool, but he wouldn't let me take a picture. :(

Life is pretty relaxing at the moment. I'm watching Ice Age right now because I can. Nothing much to say, as nothing eventful really happened today. Went out to eat lunch, went shopping, did some grocery shopping... and that's about it. I didn't sleep last night, so it's time for a juicy nap.

I wish

If I got a tree for my apartment would it make it more festive? I'm just trying to find ways to liven things up even though I feel like this right now. That makes me want to watch A Christmas Carol. I have to watch it at least once over break or else Christmas didn't happen. Actually, I don't like the animated Jim Carrey version because it's weird... he makes scrooge too... joke-y... I don't know it's hard to describe, but Jim Carrey has that quirky thing going on. Does anyone else feel this way? He ruined Series of Unfortunate Events for me too. I shouldn't have watched it because I read the book. That's one of my rules. Don't watch the movie if you read the book or it'll ruin your perception. Anyway, my favorite will always be the original low resolution animated version from Disney. Coming in second place would be the one with the ducks.

I was going to wait until the end of the world tomorrow to post, but since the world isn't going to end I'll just post now. You know, if you think about it logically people in China and Australia would have already been dead. It's always like this every year. Remember when it was going to be year 2000? People were hoarding batteries like crazy. I hope they feel stupid. I'm still bitter because I remember needing batteries for my alarm clock, but not being able to find any because people were hoarding. Ridiculous.

I'm heading back tomorrow for a dentist appointment though I just found out that this is temporary because I'm homeless. Sad life. Christmas alone. I guess I should be used to this by now. Oh wait, I'm not alone. I have Soybean this year. :)

Scratches

"You're very cute"
"What? Are you serious?"
"Yeah!"
"Or are you saying that because you're my grandma and you feel obligated."
"Hmm... good point, I never thought of it that way. Maybe you're right."

Thanks grandma. -_-

I don't really understand this music video because it's really random, but the song is kind of catchy. Maybe it's because of the mariachi band. Once in a while Train impresses me even though I was probably the only person that didn't like Hey, Soul Sister.

I feel like I keep repeating myself, but I don't understand why people keep disappointing me time and time again. I mean, is it difficult to respond to a text? Is it difficult to respond to an email? Is it so hard to type one sentence? What happens if you do? Will you convulse and die on the spot? Honestly, it's rude. It's not so much that I want to be responded to as it is that I would hope to be treated with respect. Too much to ask for, right? Why do I bother with people like this? I must either be stupid or out of my mind when there are plenty of other people that don't frustrate me. You know what? I tried. I really tried and though it may seem like my patience is limitless it has come to an end with you. Have a good day.

Babies

.........I am never ever going to have a child. I think the miracle of life is ridiculous. Something that large shouldn't come out of something that small, but that's not the primary reason. I am so exhausted. Puppies are exhausting. Also, I keep freaking out over little things. The other day he had this bump protruding out of his face and I got so scared I drove 46 miles to a vet open on Sunday afternoon and burst in like a crazy woman, "There's something on his face! I'm not sure what it is? Is it a cyst? Cancer?!" It wasn't there yesterday what do I do?!" and the vet responded, "That's... a pimple..." Pfft, well my bad. I didn't know dogs could get pimples. You learn something new everyday. He's also a picky eater. I don't know how he does it, but he's smart so he just knows. If I put anything with less than 50% chicken or beef in front of him he sniffs it and walks away. What a prince. Only eating expensive things. He's so popular. He's more popular than I am (though I guess I'm not very popular to begin with). If I take him anywhere I get approached by a multitude of gawking middle-aged ladies which is fine because I have nothing against middle aged ladies, but it makes it incredibly difficult to run errands and such.

You see that bear? Mr. Pink. Soybean hates him it's hilarious. He pounces on him and then whimpers and runs away because he's scared. Too cute. Oh, and yesterday he found out he had a tail and got excited. I thought about it as I was writing this post and maybe that's why people have kids--it's that you invest a lot of time and resources into raising them and they give you travesty and grief, but when they make you happy it negates the former. At least as a parent you would hope that this is the case. That's why animals are better. It always does. I've been really tired lately. I haven't slept much, but I think it's worth it.

Sorry, I didn't want to post so much about him, but he's kind of the center of my life right now. Regular posts drenched in sarcasm and witty humor shall resume shortly~

My Soybean

So... a series of fortunate/unfortunate events occurred (depends on how you look at it) and I now have the cutest thing on Earth living with me: Soybean.

He's so funny. He's completely OCD status--so much so that he crate trained himself in one day. I didn't do a thing. I walked into the kitchen after feeding him and his excrement was nice and tidy within a square that I set up beforehand, but had yet to introduce. Oh, and he fell asleep in my beanie during a car ride (left picture). I think it's common for puppies to get excited when it's time for food, but Soybean is on a whole other level. He elevates himself off of the floor with his front legs and his hind legs are in the air AS he's eating. I was too busy laughing hysterically, but I'll try to get a video next time. Do you guys know what Sherpa is? It's commonly used as a liner for the inside of jackets. I've learned that dogs like it. He chose my jacket over the blanket I gave him. Yeah okay, that's cool sleep in a $150 dollar jacket that needs to be dry cleaned... but he's so cute that I don't care. Ahh, I'm dying because he's so cute. And just for size comparison... he fits into half of the pocket on a sweatshirt.

Drug wars

I was driving a little before 12am and I saw a comet... at least I think it was a comet. I thought that I was delusional, but then I saw another one. Those were the first that I've ever seen in my life. When everyone was watching the meteor shower Freshman year I was timing myself in order to avoid walking in on my roommate again. But how exciting! My wish probably won't come true. I went home and read the news and found out that there's some sort of meteor shower thing tonight. Wishes don't count in that case right? Darn. I could use one.

I wish people were more like dogs. They're so innocent, nice, friendly, etc. They never have ulterior motives--they're just there to love you. It's true that they probably like you because you feed them, but if you try feeding a human it won't work out that way or else I would have fed my lousy TA's ages ago. If only it were that simple. I'm feeling hostile again... it's probably sleep depravity induced hostility.

It's the last day, but my brain has plateaued. I can't learn anymore. Instead I watched a 2 hour documentary on drug dealers, vacuumed my apartment, and am now reading up on how to haggle because we all know I'm a total pushover. I'll start studying eventually...

Juice

My face is going on strike. Four pimples have eroded and are trying to take over the world--only one of which can be hidden by my bangs. It's that time of the year when I go out dressed like a homeless person; sweatshirt hood up, jeans, puffy jacket, fake glasses. The other day when I was taking my final I sat down next to my friend and said hi. She seemed super confused, looked at me like I was some stranger, and ignored me. I thought she was just in the zone and ready to take the final until five minutes later she stares at me again, "...Joanna?! o_o." I don't think my homeless attire is tremendously different... though I tend to avoid mirrors to alleviate self-inflicted trauma, so who knows.

I taped a spider to my wall. It has been two months. It should be dead by now... right? You never know with those suckers. They're so good at playing dead. You think that you've exterminated them by turning on the faucet only to find that they're sitting in your sink making intricate webs that say, "kiss my a**" five minutes later. I'm not irrational, you know it's true. My friend tried to drown one with ammonia and bleach, but it was still alive. After experimenting she told me that the only thing that works is hairspray. Spiders are hairy... I guess it makes sense.

Sleepless nights. My tea stash is almost gone! How will I survive? :(

Normal?

Funny people of the day.

"You're embarrassing."
"What?"
"Aren't you embarrassed for yourself?"
"Yes...? You need to be more specific..."
"Your 'catchphrases': You missed me right? You love me, etc etc. are so embarrassing. Who says that kind of stuff? It's embarrassing. I'm embarrassed for you. Also, this is why people get the wrong idea..." continues to lecture me for 5 minutes
"HAHAHA! I like you."
"Were you even listening just now?!"
"Ohhhh, you love me, don't lie :)."
"-_- There's no hope for you."

It's true. I have no shame~

"NICOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Haha, hi Joanna"
"NICOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"Lol what's wrong with you"
"Can you put this away for me?"
"Okay, sure."
"NICOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"-_-"
"This one too please!"
"Get out of here Joanna."

I like Nicole. She puts up with me annoying her.

These are funny if you're procrastinating. The cat and the train .gif was the best in my opinion. It just started raining. :)

CVD

I don't know what day it is anymore.

Two days ago I was late to my midterm... by 20 minutes. Stupid stupid PCR always makes me lose track of time. I can't believe I managed to finish in time. I think it's because I had so much adrenaline that my hands moved very rapidly while filling in little bubbles. Whether I did well or not is a different story. We shall see.  My friends saw me run in like a mad woman, "Dude... the class is only 50 min long..." I think everyone kind of felt sorry for me. This girl offered to move in so that I could sit on the outside and my TA jogged towards me with an exam. Kind of shocking. She never approaches students. She typically treats us like feces. Sad life. At least I finished. -_-

Better post later. 

Must study.

Blah.

30 seconds

After not sleeping for such a long time I managed to go through my whole iTunes library. Isn't that crazy? Anyway, I came across this little gem. I completely forgot about this song, but after hearing it again it made me happy (his face also makes me happy), so I thought I would share and make some more people happy because happiness is so rare nowadays.

I really like washing dishes. I know it's kind of a weird thing to like, but after I moved my speaker into the kitchen my life has become so much more eventful. Stop for 30 seconds. Once in a while it's necessary to have a 30 second dance party. Drop everything and dance around like a crazy person for 30 seconds and then go back and resume whatever you were doing. If the song is too catchy you might have to extend it to a one minute dance party. It's ridiculous, but you'll laugh at how ridiculous you're being and get more done in the long run. Sometimes H and I call/Skype each other and do this for 30 seconds and then hang up because we're awesome.

To the moon

I'm gaining a pimple a day. 

Some maintenance guy came to change the heater filters yesterday and he asked me "Did you just move in?" after he saw my massive box pile left from my drums that I still haven't thrown away. So embarrassing. I need to deal with that one of these days. I haven't thrown out my broken mirror either. Given my current state it's kind of amazing that I have yet to run into it, cut myself, bleed profusely, and drown in a pool of my own blood. 

If you're charismatic and funny then people will like you, but they won't take you seriously. If you're serious all the time then people won't like you. So? What to do? To tell you the truth, I feel like the person I am while blogging is closer to the person that I truly am. The problem with talking/acting like this in person is that people will find you intolerable i.e. if you use "big words" people will think you're a know-it-all prick and choose to avoid you--though perhaps if your purpose is to drive people away this can be a viable method. 

"What's wrong with you?"

"What?"

"Why are you always smiling like a creep?"

"I can't smile?"

"It's like you have a disease where your face stays like that permanently..."

"...thanks?"

"It's not a compliment..."

SIGH~ 

HAHAHA oh gosh. It's good that I proofread. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm probably the only one that thinks this is funny. GC-MS is Gas Chromatography Mass Spectrometry not Gas Chamber-MS. Is this another subliminal message perpetuating similarities between my life and the Holocaust? Who knows, I haven't slept in a while, so anything is possible. Writing while delusional can be slightly entertaining. Cheerio!

Forever

It's always at times like these that I ask myself why I didn't just become a prostitute.

When I'm stressed I have a tendency to look at dog videos because dogs are probably the only things that have never frustrated me before (except for Stinky because it took us three days to find that idiot and convince him to go back to H's house, but he was never the brightest crayon in the box to begin with). If I could choose to annihilate all of the people on Earth and turn them into dogs, but would have to take care of all of them I would do it. Haha, this reminds me of someone I know. So cute. I like fish too, but they're hard to play with. I choose to believe that you bond with them through mutual staring.

The biggest spider I've ever encountered entered our lab yesterday. I pretty much climbed onto a table while the girl next to me killed it with her shoe. I am so lame I hate myself. It was really big though... :(

Festivities

I was going to turn one of my term papers in early because I have other things I need to do with my life, so I stapled it and handed it to the TA.

"What is this?"
"My term paper..."
"I want it bound"
"It's stapled?"
"No, I want it like... bound."
"What? It's not on the assignment requirements."
"I know, but it's more organized that way"
"...Can I just staple it two more times?"
"No."

Sorry, I don't know how to make it stop looping, but I want to cut her repeatedly, so perhaps this is appropriate. Do I look like a freaking Kinko's to you? How am I supposed to bind my paper, you stupid idiot--is what I wanted to say, but of course I just said "Oh..... Okay....." and walked away. 

Grilled corn

This happens every December. I was supposed to print out my term paper, but I was two pages off. I always run out of paper or ink at the most inconvenient times and then I get mad at myself for wasting all of that paper a few days ago or not printing double sided when I could have, but was too lazy. In all honestly, I don't know how to print double sided with my printer. It's too complicated. Whenever I feel like I can do it and think I have it all figured out it comes out either upside down or directly on top of the previous page, so I just gave up and accepted my fate as a tree killer. Does Safeway sell paper? I was considering using paper towels for a while. Yes, it's quite apparent I didn't sleep last night.

I know no one cares, but this is a really good paper. Only paper that tested ERB in human beta cells. It pretty much saved my life, just saying.

I need to meet someone amazing here that will restore my faith in humankind. It's not that I'm not trying! I know the names of all of the people in one of my classes and I talk to all of them. Isn't that intense? I'm a nice person I swear. Well, at least I think I'm a nice person, so I don't know how accurate that is. It's really sad going through life thinking that everyone is horrible, but the reality is most people are, so what else am I supposed to believe, you know? I just wish someone would prove me wrong. Maybe it's this city... I don't know. It's too early.

I was so cold that I put my arm on top of my heater (that I got on Black Friday for $50!) and burned myself. That wasn't particularly smart. Mondays.

10

I went insane and started cleaning everything again. It's always like this when I have a bunch of crap lined up to do. It's so dusty everywhere I feel like I'm going to die from upper respiratory tract dysfunction. I told this to my friend and she said, "Yeah, right... you're so OCD. If I go to your apartment and find one piece of dust I'll jump off a cliff." I'm not OCD.. maybe a little. I told her that too and she sent me this which was completely unnecessary, but you get the point.

SOMEONE CITED MY PAPER! I feel like such a "baller" right now. Is that right or is it "balla?" Regardless, I feel so cool right now. 8) It's about time... published that thing a year and a half ago, sheesh.

Bipolar weather. I like the rain. It complements the sultry piano playing atmosphere. I'm motivated, but clearly not for the right task. I wish I was more motivated to finish my term papers. Who's lousy idea was it to convey understanding through composition? I envy those caveman days where all they did was grunt and point. If I was a professor I would instead have my students perform an interpretive dance on cellular mechanisms which would then lead to a simultaneous decrease in obesity rates. It's completely win-win.

I don't know what's wrong with this week, but there have been so many police cars loitering around here that it's a bit concerning. Okay you caught me, it was due to my soliciting for statements in hot pink lingerie (I still need about 100). Seriously though, the lights and sirens woke me up at 4:00am which is pretty much when I slept. Then again someone whispering will wake me up, so I shouldn't be surprised.

It's Sparta

I had to do more laundry this morning. I prefer to do laundry when no one's around. You figure rainy Saturday morning at 5:00am... it was pretty deserted until I walked out from the laundry room to encounter a naked man walking into the jacuzzi. No, he wasn't half naked, he was naked naked. I mean, I see naked old men at the hospital all the time, but you don't really expect to see them right when you wake up. Well, that was pleasant.

"We're 30! What if 90% of our eggs are gone?! What if all that's left are the weird eggs, the evil eggs... I can feel them!" I love New Girl. I should ask my graduate student if her eggs are gone yet since she's in her 30's. We spend most of our time at work making fun of each other, but it goes by faster that way. Loving relationship, I know. It's so rare that you get to work with people that you like. :)

I'm on the phone with my friend right now and she's really mad at one of her housemates, but I can't stop smiling/laughing because when she's mad she reminds me of Michelle in Full House. Too cute. Hmm, what ever happened to Mary-Kate and Ashley? Last time I glanced at a magazine at Safeway they seemed to be intoxicated or getting arrested. As long as they're happy I guess.

You know that study I'm conducting? I procrastinated on data collection because I didn't think it would be this difficult. I don't even talk to 30 people let alone 300. If you're reading this and you haven't summarized life in one sentence for me then text/call/email please. Dang it, at this rate I'm going to have to stand outside with an umbrella and show some leg to get statements. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Tornado

Why are my friends like this? Ridiculous. I heart you too. I heard that people are typically friends with people that are most similar to them--as in ideology, which is true, but quiet people are never close friends with other quiet people and the same is true for people that talk a lot. Actually, quiet people are never quiet after you get to know them, it's just that most people don't bother. Most of the time they end up being crazier than you are. I like quiet people more. Does that mean that I talk a lot? -_- I'm not even going to try to deny that. I tend to talk endlessly about random things. Maybe that's why I get this a lot, "I feel like I've known you for 15 years even though I just met you." What I'm usually thinking is "Hahhhhhh. No." but I respond with laughter instead.

I'll tell you guys a secret. I have a magical power. If I talk to someone for five minutes I'll know immediately whether or not they're a good person and if I want to be friends with them. Creepy right? My intuition is usually accurate which saves me a lot of time, but there are people that are harder to read. As usual, I only have useless magical powers. I was in class lab and we were vortex-ing to separate a mixture and my friends couldn't understand why mine was separating and theirs weren't. They told me to vortex their samples and it ended up separating and they were completely amazed. "WOAHH! You have like.. magical powers! You're so good at vortex-ing!!" What a sad thing to be a good at. This is what my life amounts to.

I have no more underwear. I'm so devastated. :( I really didn't want to do laundry in this weather, but I don't think I have a choice... unless I... HA. I'm kidding. Laundry on a Friday night! I'm so exciting, wow. 

Oro

Oh man. Close call. This girl wanted me to send her pictures of our fat cells through SMS. She kept pushing for it "Just text it to me!" even when I told her I would email it to her. I need to think of a more elegant way to say "Uh, no because that means you'll have my number you creep..." I ended up convincing her that email was better suited for the task as I could send her multiple pictures at once. I'm typically pretty good at avoiding these situations because I hate giving people my number unless I think that by talking to them/being around them I will be happier than when I'm alone (one of my philosophies if you guys remember...). I also hate giving people my email address, but this is unavoidable given the technology driven society. Even so, I only check my school email once a day which probably isn't too smart because I find that I show up to classes that my professor's have cancelled and arrive at classrooms to realize the location has changed.

This is what she wanted. They're really pretty right? 

These past few days have been really windy and it rains a lot. I don't really mind. I like the sound of rain and I like petrichor. It's relaxing and it makes me smile. As long as my jeans don't get wet there will be no complaints from me. The one thing that scares me is that recently there have been these weird noises coming from my vent. It's probably just tree branches or rain induced noise, but I feel like there's a bird clawing around in there. Logically, it makes no sense, but I still jump every time because I'm a useless person.

This is life

I'm conducting a study. The topic I chose is life. I'm asking my subjects to describe life in one sentence, but no one is taking me seriously and they keep giving me crappy responses like "This is Sparta" which... Well, I guess life is kind of like Sparta. I have received a few responses that are rather profound, so I thought I would share one with you guys.

"I live by the words of Viktor Frankl: since pain, guilt, and death are inevitable the key is to make them work for you; use pain to make yourself more compassionate, guilt as a resolve to become the person you want to be, and death as provocation to cherish life."

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Frankl, but he was an Austrian neurologist/psychiatrist that survived the Holocaust. Other than that and the fact that he wrote Man's Search for Meaning, I don't know much more about him. If you're curious here you go. I know, I know random useless things. Actually, there was this girl that called me out on it because they didn't know what those people that kill animals and stuff them are called and I walked by, overheard them, and said taxidermist. "...wow, how did you know that...?" Cue awkward laughter and stealthy escape route. 

Here's mine:

Through these years I’ve come to realize that the world is a horrible place filled with horrible people that I’m forced to interact with and that happiness is a pragmatically impossible rarity, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist, so life is about finding things, whether it be people or objects, that make me happy in order to displace or negate the iniquity of the world.

Snow

It needs to be Christmas already... One of my favorites.

I'm working on jazz improvisation. I'm doing everything in one take. I'm really rather horrible. I think that's the problem with being classically trained... you're always reading sheet music, so you don't think about chord harmonization; you merely play, though I guess that's already pretty difficult if you're trying to play Tchaikovsky or Liszt. The keyword here is trying. I play those like a snail. This is the pro.

This paper needs to write itself. I need to go to work. Thursdays are horrible.

Traffic

I'm such a creep. Okay, so you guys know how my memory is ridiculous right? I remember these details from people's lives and it's gotten to the point where even I think that I'm creepy. Two months ago this girl in my class told me that she borrowed an umbrella from someone and today she had the same umbrella. I asked her something along the lines of "You still haven't given that back yet?" and she was kind of creeped out that I remembered that. I didn't sleep last night, so I wasn't thinking about being creepy and blurted it out.

I don't know why I remember these things because I don't want to. I think the norm is to forget things about people right? Most people are so focused on themselves that they don't remember anything unless it directly pertains to their lives. At least I assume that no one remembers anything about me, but that also might be because people are usually too busy complaining to me about their lives to bother asking me anything about mine which is completely fine because I don't think it's necessary to talk about myself unless I actually want to be friends with whoever I'm talking to. I find that I have to actively force myself to forget things and even then it doesn't really work. If you told me your birthday a year ago I'll remember it, but I'll usually pretend like I had no idea. I also have to ask people the same things twice (like which classes they're taking) even though I already know, in order to not seem like I stalk them. I then have to remember how many times I've asked them the same question, so I don't seem like an idiot either. You guys think it's a good thing to have a good memory, but it's really not. It's so tiring. I wish I could get all of this useless information out of my mind and think about zen gardens and those stacked rocks instead of what that person I talked to five months ago eats for breakfast. She eats yogurt with granola and half a banana if anyone was interested.

There was a girl screaming outside my apartment. I was peeking through the blinds. I'm still trying to figure out if it was child abuse or domestic violence. A bunch of police cars and firemen arrived at the scene. That was probably the most excitement I've witnessed in the past few years.

What else did I do today... hmm I had another 3 hour phone conversation with H. I don't understand how she understands me. It doesn't even make sense. Maybe I should stop analyzing and just be thankful.

Strange things happen if I don't sleep.

Luggage

I wish I was rich enough to own my own orchestra. I would force them to follow me around all day and every time I walk into a room I would make them play this because it would make life so much more interesting. Then I would subsequently raise my head and smile creepily (not that I don't already look like this) and everyone would think that I'm out to kill them and run away from me (not that they don't already do this). I guess essentially all I need is an orchestra... sad life. How cool would that be though, New York Philharmonic following me to class. One day I'll be good enough to play with them. I may need to isolate myself in a room with a piano for three years, but one day...

My professor told my TA to be nice today. She looked angry after he said that. That made me happy. Small victories keep me going.

Probably no sleep tonight... it will behoove you to avoid talking to me tomorrow. The irony/paradox of it all: some people say that they like me better when I'm sleep deprived because of my sporadic bursts of energy. I think you guys are mistaking it for energy when in reality it's more like borderline insanity.

I dislike you

I just don't understand why she's so angry at the world. You know, I had a legend in the first one and she took points off and now I put separate figures and she takes points off. I don't know what the crap she wants from me. There's no winning with her. I'm incredibly frustrated, but I would rather not talk to her because I don't like her. By ignoring her I am preventing a murder... though if I don't do it someone else is bound to. No one likes her. Also, if you're going to insult my intelligence at least spell correctly. Dictionaries are free, bro. Her arrogance and condescending mannerism... I'm sick of this. I'm sick of lousy TA's. I don't understand why it's so difficult to not be a horrible person. I'm not even asking for her to be nice; any possibility of that happening was gone after the first day. I just want her to not be so horrible, but apparently that's too much to ask for. I wish I were more American-like so that I could sue the school for mental and physical distress. Do you know how harrowing it is to constantly fluctuate between an A- and an A? I want to rip my hair out.

It's weird... all of the leaves on the tree decided to fall onto my car at the same time. None of the other cars had leaves on them... Murder mystery! Not really... if only my life were that exciting.

Sorry guys, I don't know how many times I've angrily blogged about my TA already, but she's seriously making me mad. To prevent myself from saying anything I will regret, the fury must be unleashed in cyberspace. I do have other TA's, but they're all useless pieces of flesh, so there's nothing much to say there. I don't like them in particular, but at the same time I generally feel indifferent because being useless is the norm. Like I said, my "like" count is still at 2. I need a miracle to happen next quarter. Either that or I just don't want any more TA's.

Garfield mode

How to fool people into thinking that you're fashion forward? It's really quite simple. Purchase the following Winter essentials: 1. Toggle coat 2. Military-style jacket 3. Pea coat 4. Trench coat 5. Denim jacket 6. Leather jacket 7. Puffer jacket 8. Either a varsity jacket, fur-lined vest, or a parka--personally, I don't like parkas or vests because I think they look too casual. Try to buy the essentials in bold colors to leave an impression. Dress it up/down with well tailored jeans/pants, play around with colors and layers, a multitude of scarves, hats, boots, etc... Congratulations! You will now have to file for bankruptcy, but you will look damn sexy while doing so.

The sad, but unfortunate truth: positive/negative perception of any given individual is fundamentally derived from appearance. Put simply, to be respected you must dress well and be attractive. It's not so much societal pressure as it is innate human preference. This is also evident in the fact that overweight/obese individuals are paid less than their skinny counterparts. However, if this overweight/obese individual were to dress well it would somehow "even the playing field." Anyway, I don't mind. This gives me reason to buy more clothes.

I ended up not getting anything done yesterday. My mind is already in vacation mode.

Apparently I'm Mr. Joanna. Great.

Do you?

I've never looked at the label before. I usually just cut it off and dispose of it. This is funny though, I can imagine someone buying a pair of 300 dollar jeans and freaking out because they're distressed. By the way, I hate it when people wear jeans with holes in them. I know it's a supposed to be a fashion statement, but it's not very classy.

I don't particularly like skinny jeans, but I wear them anyway.. I feel that they're less formal in comparison to boot cut or straight leg--and you guys know my thing about always being semi-formal..Unfortunately, my legs aren't as long as I would like them to be. I haven't reached that optimum leg length (I think in order to achieve that I would have to be at least 5'8''), so boot cut isn't remotely attractive unless I wear heels. It's also a hassle when it's raining because they're so close to the ground that I might as well be wearing sponges sewn together as pants. I get back home and all of the rain in the world is absorbed into my jeans. Wet jeans are gross. I guess that's why skinny jeans are useful. I would never be caught dead in leggings though. That's just.. I don't even own... so unattractive. Anyway, no one cares about my pants, so let's move on.

If the rest of you are like me, you're implementing today as a means of finishing all of the crap you were so motivated to get done over Thanksgiving break, but neglected because you were too busy eating and spending money. We're broke and fat, but temporarily satisfied. I have yet to figure out whether or not the end justifies the means.

Long con

The first place we went to was B&N only to find out that they weren't even doing the whole Black Friday thing. Yes, we are exciting people. A grand total of one car was in the parking lot: mine.

...I had my cousin pose in front of the deserted store just to show how ridiculous we are.

It's always like this every year. I'm always delusional while driving on the freeway. I started singing "This land is my land..." (I don't even know what the real title is) and got stuck after New York islands or something like that. At 3am I think most people are delusional... including the workers. There were these two girls that were trying to get me to go into the store. They were so desperate it was cute, "Come in! Come in! We have free water! Please... we're Korean!"

Honestly, shopping wasn't as insane as usual. I think it's probably a combination of experience and the fact that retailers decided to open stores on Thanksgiving? Strange. I spent 100 dollars before even leaving the house. We went around 3am when everything was starting to calm down and shopped until about 7. Perfect timing. I'm satisfied. I got this jacket at Banana that was supposed to be 100+ for about 50 AND the cashier was super cute. Did you know that employees there don't get overtime pay if they work Black Friday hours? Isn't that horrible? Anyway, after falling asleep and missing a dental appointment I woke up at 12pm and we went to Nordstrom, etc. One thing led to another and I did some more online shopping... I'm pretty much going to have to starve myself in December to pay for all of this clothes. That's okay, clothes > food.

Roasted

HAHA. She gets me. I hope you all eat something delicious and buy something awesome. :)

Welcome injustice

"...though this should be obvious given the composite sample contained a mere 0.5 grams." I had to read through everything again and rewrite half of this stupid research paper/lab report. I realized that I get extremely hostile when I'm writing these things because I'm so incredibly irritated by the redundancy and lack of significance in every experiment every week: never ending cycle of doom. Maybe that's why my TA takes off points for no reason. That and the fact that she's a mean, arrogant, grumpy person. Maybe she's just hungry. I should feed her and see if it makes a difference.

What the fruit. I'll tell you how to read it if I want to. I do what I want! I wish I had the guts to say that to her face... -_-

I skimmed through a few of my past posts a while ago and I think that if people didn't know me and just read my blog they would think I'm a cynical, sarcastic, depressed, angry lady. I'm not! I need to rid myself of those emotions through passive aggressive blogging in order to be a relatively normal person in real life. Want to know what someone said to me today? "Everyone hates this lab and looks like they're about to commit murder... I don't understand how you can be smiling and just--so happy right now, I don't even have the energy to move, but I'm glad you're in this group because I feel like we're the only ones that aren't miserable." DO YOU KNOW that I almost died on the spot? I love it when people say this kind of stuff to me. I don't care if I'm pretty or not creepy Target manager and Starbucks barista. Knowing that I have the ability to make someone else happier is much more satisfying than any of that useless crap. And that is how you make me fall in love with you. everyone scrambles to write this down to avoid mentioning it in the near future

Jazz hands

I keep imagining myself with diseases. I strongly believe that I have a brain tumor. No one believes me. I also think that I have CVD and T2DM. Weakness? Arrhythmia? Dizziness? I have all of the symptoms.

Don't mind me, I'm just fooling around when I should be doing something productive. Though I think you guys should know this song. Out of all the jazz songs in the world... if you don't know this one we can no longer be friends. However, because you are reading this/listening to it I'm forcing you to be my friend. Misty by Erroll Garner. I wanted to listen to a piano solo/improvisation of this song, but I didn't really like any of the covers on Youtube, so I gave up and decided to play it myself. By the way, this is unlisted, so don't go sharing the link. For your ears only~ I'm actually really uncomfortable with you guys staring at my fat fingers for two minutes...

We can add this to another one of those "When I should have been..." moments.

Not uncommon

HAHAHA. Watch this. Just watch this. So cute...

I don't know

Did you guys know her name was Snooki as in cookie and not Snooki as in Snoopy? I've been saying it Snooki as in Snoopy this whole time until my friend didn't know what I was talking about and looked at me like this. I also have to apologize for thinking that she was Kim Kardashian's sister for the past few months. My friend says that I'm like a prisoner that doesn't know what's going on in the outside world; the only thing that exists to me is my lab. Semi-true. It's probably because I selectively read the news everyday. I tend to ignore ridiculous celebrities, problems in the middle-east, football and baseball, and most politics. By the way, is Peyton Manning a baseball player? I thought he was a pitcher or something, but my lab tech laughed at me and refused to answer my question, so I still don't know.

I tend to look at clothes before I look at price because I'm really picky, so I end up getting disappointed time and time again whenever I see something that I want, but can't afford. That's also why I hate going on jcrew. I realized I haven't checked in a while, but now I remember why I stopped. I'm never going on that site again. It makes me want to cry. Why does the cutest coat in the world have to be 800 dollars? You know what one of their slogans is? "...at a price normal people can afford" or something along the lines of that. What the fruit kind of "normal" customers are they selling to? I, for one, am not a prostitute. I don't make that kind of money. Ahh, but that coat does makes me want to consider a change of profession... ;)

I am in dire need of a vacation. Anyone else?

Zen

I'm trying to figure out if I have a brain tumor or not. I keep smelling weird things out of nowhere. The other day I thought I smelled barbecue chicken and the day before I was walking at school and smelled wine. Though I guess... the second one isn't as odd seeing as how there are people that drink in broad daylight. Right now it smells like pasta, but I'm not sure if that's because of my neighbors.

We had a pigeon like this last year. This year I have a diseased cat that always sits at the bottom of the staircase. Every time I come out of my apartment it stares at me and starts meowing really loudly. I've learned to jump over the last three steps on my way down, but I'll probably injure myself one of these days. I wish I had a puppy to love. :(

Everyone wants to be champagne and not the glass, the flower and not the vase, but glasses and vases are needed. It's impossible to draw a perfect circle, but with a compass and a thick pencil imperfections are hidden. No one is going to doubt that it's a perfect circle unless you tell them that it's not, but even if you do they probably wouldn't believe you anyway.

When, then?

I feel sick. Not the kind of sick because it's flu season, but heart sick--and not the kind of heart sick that has anything to do with boys or love... but my heart is hurting because I feel like what I truly desire to do with the rest of my life is so incredibly unattainable that I want to puke (I also don't know why puking affects my heart, but it does). Often times it's just this repetitive process in which you find yourself standing on a rug and someone pulls it out from under you and like an idiot you get up again and resume your previous position only to have the rug once again pulled... Rinse, repeat. What's the point, really. I'm just going to lay down and whoever is doing the pulling can call up Aladdin.

I'm so close. I'm so close, but never there. I think that's the most frustrating part. If I sucked/failed I would just accept that fact and move on, but that's not the case. They just never pick me at the last possible point in the process. So frustrating. Whenever I'm frustrated I either play Chopin or jazz because then I can bang on the keys with crazy fast arpeggios or sulk and develop a gloomy atmosphere respectively.

You know what else is frustrating? There was a dog abuse article in the news yesterday where some guy had hundreds of dogs locked up in tiny cages living in their own defecation and they all eventually starved to death because he neglected them. Then today there was a similar case that happened at an animal shelter. AN ANIMAL SHELTER, for crying out loud. I think it's the worst when it's about dogs. What have they done to deserve this? If it were a human on the other hand... honestly, some people...

Empty life B

I think I drank too much caffeine again... I'm suspecting this because my eye is currently twitching at a rate faster than that of hummingbirds beating their wings (lousy metaphors are innate to my personality; can't even blame the caffeine in this case). Even though I'm exhausted I feel like I need to go run off some of this excess energy or whatever it is. The problem with running after drinking a lot of caffeine is the fact that heart palpitations go haywire--severe arrhythmia. Not to mention it's a grand total of 10 degrees outside. I hate Winter. I really don't understand why Spring doesn't last more than two weeks here. 

So I set up my drum set last Tuesday and the remnants are sitting in my living room. I don't know what to do with it. I mean, clearly I need to throw it away, but I can hardly lift the thing and it's empty! I have three options: 1. to recruit some tall people to help me 2. to take it to the dumpster one box at a time or 3. throw it off of my balcony and drag it like a dead cat. I would like to choose option 1, but all of my friends are shorter than me. Actually, I don't even think I would be able to lift it above the railing. Honestly, I have no idea how the Fedex guy managed to carry that thing up here by himself. Crazy in shape. I'm also in shape. A circle is a shape. Whatever, I'll deal with this after finals... unless I get any amazing volunteers... text me~

By the way, this was one of the boxes. There was more than one labeled empty box. Yeah, beats me.

Word search

Finally. I have given my last presentation of the year. They were laughing, so I can conclude that I did a good job. Everyone seemed to be paying attention which made me feel better about my life as a whole. I forgot what I was going to say at one point and said something along the lines of "If you ever steal a baby..." and then apologized (the paper was on the prevalence of rotavirus in infants). School drains so much energy. I just want it to be Black Friday. I'm desperately in need of retail therapy even though I've been spending money nonstop as of late. Where does this money come from? I'm a drug dealer. Ha. I do always carry Tylenol though.

This is so funny and cute that I watched it twice. Ohh, children~

One thing I can never forget... this one time in High School I was in the special needs room planning match schedules with my tennis coach (who is also one of the special education teachers) and I said that something was retarded. This lady walks by and says, "I can't believe you just said that given where you are right now" I was confused. I couldn't even remember what I said, but after I realized I apologized profusely. Of course I didn't mean it in that way, but I saw how easily people misinterpret intentions and have never used that word since that day. It's a scary thing, the power of words; but, we live and learn.

Once

I can't stand people that don't smile/laugh. It's not that everyone on Earth needs to laugh at my lame jokes, but at the very least don't go around looking hostile. It makes people uncomfortable. Even more so if they're giving a presentation. I hate it when people don't even try to pretend to be listening. Every time I give a presentation a small piece of my soul dies and a white hair spouts from my head.

It's very easy for me to distinguish between a good person and someone that I wouldn't want to be friends with. This is how people describe me: fun/funny, cool, easy to talk to. Probably the dullest adjectives ever, but I'll take it. The thing is because I am easy to talk to people come up to me and start complaining about their lives without me asking. I then have to pretend like I'm interested and it drains a lot of energy. These people are the ones that I don't want to be around. Too much negativity--and that's coming from a realist! I facilitate the conversation and I gauge responses (yes, my whole life is a research experiment; I am also currently testing mileage of gas from different gas stations, 76 is in the lead). However, if--that is, IF by chance they don't start complaining then we can probably become pretty good friends. Like I said, IF. Uh... last time I met someone like this... well it's been a while. But, there's an exception. The other end of the spectrum, those ridiculous optimists that can't take a joke... I can't be friends with them either. If you don't get my sarcastic humor we can't be friends.

Last thing. There's this thing that I do when I'm walking and I was wondering if anyone else does it... I pretend to look at my phone, but I'm actually looking at the road in front of me. If I happen to see someone that I want to talk to then I'll approach them, but if not then I'm definitely busy.

Brown leaf

我覺得...

最近生命中的優點繼續下降...
已經努力, 堅持.. 這嚴峻的過程
如何補償辛苦的代價...
我為這件事情付出多少時間, 激情, 而眼淚
有人了解...嗎?
起初認為把百分之百的功夫放進我所做的"產品"上, 一定會成功...
事實上, 不是這樣... 矛盾吧?
功到自然成大概是世界上最爛的成語.
其實, 這個世界就是這樣
不但不公平反而還很殘忍
我發現我不及格, 沒有我自己想像的聰明..
但自認聰明是第一個錯誤
我發誓不會再對自己有任何的要求了
因為我承認我在這方面/這件事情上...
永遠不會成功

對不起啦~ 最近超弱

그리고 매일 생각하고, 소원하고, "제발 죽어싶어!" 이렇게 살면 안돼... 근데, 아무것도 없어... 사람들이도 없어... 돌겠네! 답답해 지금. 내가 왜?

I'm really sorry... that was super depressing... but yeah. That pretty much sums up how I've been feeling as of late. It's just really frustrating... And so because I've been so frustrated I opened up my $50 tea leaves that I've been saving for two years and starting drinking it like a tea drunkard. I don't even know if that's a real term, but it is now. Additionally, I bought another drum set to make myself feel better. Anyway... I guess I should be studying for tomorrow. Here's a video before I go.

Malfunction

S T R E S S

Indie music decreases stress maybe... I have a lot of residual adrenaline because I finished presenting today. I get really nervous not because I'm presenting, but because I don't want to bore people to death. I must finish all of this crap before Tuesday because Wednesday......... well, wish me luck.

So sad...

My TA's are all freaking useless horrible people and I am completely frustrated. When you don't respond to an email after three days it doesn't even constitute as lazy anymore, it's rude. I need to get everything done before Tuesday so I can........, but I can't go on with my life unless these idiots respond to my email. I don't see why this is so difficult. AUGH... Edna where ARE you?! The ONLY TA that ever responded to my emails within an hour even though I spammed her like crazy (hey, mic labs were confusing). I didn't think that I was a bad TA like this... even though that class was a joke I wasn't ever mean to the village idiots.

Magic 8

I hate when it gets cold because I have to wear sweatpants at home. Yes, I usually just walk around naked. Anyway, my sweatpants always leave these lint balls everywhere. They're on my bed, on the ground, etc. The only reason why this is a problem is because I keep thinking that they're bugs and I freak out and start attacking them only to realize that they're actually balls of lint 5 futile minutes later.

You know, when you've known someone for so long that they become an extension of your body? Like an alien. There are so many people on this Earth it's weird that I've never met anyone else as awesome and amazing though I've tried. Maybe it's because not many people genuinely care about other people's lives. 90% of the people I talk to only complain about their "adversity" and I sit there and facilitate conversation because I'm a lousy piece of crap that talks too much. I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but it... I feel like meeting people and trying to get to know them results in disappointment the majority of the time. Well, I've given up and have chosen to lock myself in my house for eternity.

I think next time I go to class I'm going to tape my mouth shut. I went to class late because I couldn't find parking and I'm pretty sure the professor noticed me walking in even though I tried to go in creeper style because the class is pretty small. Later when she was giving an example she chose random people to stand up and participate, so I did what I always do: avoid eye contact. Then I heard, "Can you tap her? I think she's avoiding eye contact because she doesn't want to participate" I looked up and she was staring right at me. I think I responded by saying something along the lines of "Freedom from harm!" because we were discussing Code of Ethics as pertains to research papers and experimental design. I don't know why things come out like that. Am I too direct? I always just say whatever I want. Though... I think I would be an incredibly boring person if I wasn't like this. Everyone can do that fake "Heyyyy!" thing. That's really one of the things I hate the most in the world. You know what I've concluded? I'm original. You're never going to meet another person like me. Whether this originality is good or bad is still up for debate, but maybe I can take pride in the fact that I'm original enough that people will remember my name.

This clearly applies to my life.

No sense

On days like these there are only two things that I want to do. 1. Stay in bed and never leave the house or 2. Go work out. I know, Catch-22. It's not that I want to run outside, I want to go to a gym. There's something about running/working out while gazing out of a window at the rain that is oddly relaxing. Does anyone else agree or is my life a complete paradox? I'll admit that I struggle to understand myself at times. 

I recently realized that when you stop trying so hard to force things to happen they happen by themselves. Wait--this may be misleading. Don't stop studying for your classes. My gosh, I'm going to get sued. What I mean is those times... when you desperately want something to happen that you change your lifestyle in order to accommodate those desires and end up wasting your life? Yeah, that. Don't do that. Somehow I feel that in most cases if you just let things go they end up going your way anyways. Just a thought. 

I don't understand how websites get my email address. It's not like I'm broadcasting it anywhere... I don't even have it on Facebook! I open up my email and this is what I see: single? -> low calorie snacks -> weight loss pills -> cellulite reduction -> antidepressant injury co -> life insurance policy. Predicting my life I see? 

Anyway... I need to go to work. Later~

Big cans

Because I am a cheap and lazy person, I still haven't bought a can opener and learned how to open a can with a knife. I have also ripped my hand open and am bleeding profusely. Good job once again. My stupidity is hindering me from playing guitar. This needs to heal within the next week and a half or else I'm screwed. I wonder if I could get out of any midterms like this? "Excuse me professor, but I mutilated my hand trying to open a can." Probably not. Sigh. My life...

Pretty ugly

If someone is incredibly ugly or extremely attractive you avoid eye contact with them, correct? I only say this is true because I do it too. Let me know if you don't. Recently I've noticed that a lot of people blatantly avoid eye contact with me. It's like--really? You're staring at the SUN, not obvious at all. I'm trying to figure out which one it is--at the same time I don't want to know. I'm related to Quasimodo. Hmm, I must be attractive.

I got upset at my midterm because I thought that it would be multiple choice, but it wasn't. I just didn't think it was necessary to write everything out. The manifestation of my irritation should be relatively apparent on my exam. When she said to write 2-3 sentences I answered the question in 2-3 sentences and went on to write another two paragraphs. I had a lot of extra time (and space), so I thought what the heck. I only remember vaguely, but I talked about the person in the example not being able to get published because their theoretical proposition sucked and about the other unfortunate soul in another example that would develop asymmetrical moles and die from skin cancer. Yeah, they're probably going to hate me and then I'm going to fail.