Miserable

I tell myself that I'm going to do what I want and that I deserve to so, but I keep doing things that make me miserable. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's because I've always forced myself to be miserable that I don't know how to un-miserable myself anymore. I feel like I'm trying to fall in love with a wall. You can't force things to happen, right? It's frustrating. I'm frustrated with myself. I wish someone would yell at me and tell me to just do it if I want to and stop caring about what other people want from me.

I've been doing a good job. I've been posting English for the past three months I think.