To you

I'm so sore. This tells you how out of shape I am in regards to tennis. I can't move... this is so pathetic. I wasn't able to sleep last night because I drank too much caffeine. This time it was my own fault and I only have myself to blame. I guess I was relatively productive. I wish I could be more productive. I wish I were a robot that didn't need to eat, pee, drink, etc. I could get so much more work done that way.

I recently found out that Bianca passed away. Because I've been consistently exposed to the medical field I'll usually take news of death as monotonous, see it as something that's inevitable, and ignore it, but accidents like this are shocking because they happen so suddenly. Whenever someone passes away people only talk about the good things about that individual and I've always sworn that if someone died I would be completely honest (i.e. if A died I would say, "Oh yeah, she's was a complete psychopathic beezy and she should have died sooner, I could have assisted if necessary"). I sat next to Bianca in band for two years in middle school. We would always get yelled at because she played saxophone and I played trumpet, but we didn't care. In fact, we would always act like rebels and have "food parties" even though we weren't supposed to eat in band. I helped her with math all of the time and I thought it was fascinating that she wrote her eights one circle at a time instead of writing them in one fluid motion. Actually, I changed the way I wrote eights because of her. To this day I still write my eights one circle at a time. Weird. I never thought about that until now. It's unfortunate that accidents happen, but life is uncertain and I guess when things like this occur it's a reminder to us all to not take life for granted. Just thought I would write out a mini tribute. Hopefully that wasn't too mundane or cliche.

Since we're on the topic I'll admit something. I've never been to a funeral. Not because I haven't lost anyone (I've been invited to four), but because I'm too afraid to deal with the reality that they're gone. Maybe I feel as if I don't go to the funeral then they're not really gone, I just haven't spoken to them in a long time. I can't deal with it. I turn into an ice cube and try to not portray any emotions.

Sorry, hopefully that wasn't too depressing. I'll be back with a better post later. Ciao~