Crown

I spent my morning making Jamba Juice deliveries because this buy one get one free card I unintentionally stole from my aunt expires today and I felt obligated to use it. I felt like a smoothie Santa Claus. I bought 6. I think I should do random things like this more often; it makes people smile. Anyway, the lady that used my card said that she needed to reset her whole system before she could tell me my remaining balance and she told me I had to wait for 10 minutes. I told her that was fine, but I ended up leaving because 1. the smoothies were already done and 2. ain't nobody got time for that.

Those of you that know me well enough know that I tend to say ridiculous things because I think they're funny. Something that has been very common as of late is that people will say "It's so hot" and I will most likely reply "Is it because I'm here?" or some variation of that. People generally just roll their eyes, but some people have gotten creative these days. Here are some funny responses I've received:

"...No, just no"
"That's never the reason!"
"Then explain why it's hotter at your school after you left..."

I neglected all of the work that I had to get done this weekend and hung out with people instead. I'm sitting here munching on candies that taste like lead to prevent myself from falling asleep. I don't want to be at my house because I'm too cheap to pay for air conditioning. In any event, it would most likely be ineffective as everyone turns on the air conditioning around this time. Blackouts all day every day.

Catapult

Look at how many people are up here! It's completely ridiculous. We started at 6:30am and got to the top at 8:00am, but it was still crowded with filthy people. There was this one guy that hiked the whole thing in daddy sandals. What a boss.

Well, that was an eventful weekend. I'm quite exhausted. I got back a while ago and it's ridiculous how ridiculous this weather is. I walked into my house and it felt like a furnace. The thermostat read 106F, so I decided to go run some errands. I stopped in front of the bank and a cab driver approached me and asked if I had change for a 20. I never have cash. I walked towards my car and some guy went up to the cab driver and started yelling at him for not carrying around change. I didn't know what to do and I was scared so I ran away. Thug life.

Carnivore

Every time I sit in class there are these tiny little fruit flies that fly around me. I haven't figured out if it's because I smell like crap or if it's because it's near the Biology lab. It might be both.

I always thought those were called yellow onions? No? 

That one was my favorite. If you guys want to see all of them here's the link that my friend sent me.

They sat together on a couch and held hands while watching dramas for 5 hours. They didn't say a word, but you could tell how much love they had for one another. I hope I find this some day.

Cutlet

It took me a while to figure out how to change my profile picture without announcing it to everyone's news feed. Times are changing. I like my privacy. By the way, I hardly ever check my events unless I'm procrastinating (there are so many random people that invite me to these random things), so it would probably be more efficient if you guys call or text instead.

You guys aren't going to believe what happened... or well, you'll think this is very typical because these types of things consistently happen in my life. I left my wallet in the lodge and I didn't realize until I got home. I called them and they said they could ship it, but I'm not going to actually receive it until Thursday night. What this means is I have no license, no money (ATM card and credit), no ID card, etc. I am literally broke and without transportation--except for a bike with flat tires and my own two feet. I think I need to leave at 6:00am to get to work on time. It's moments like these that I wonder why I chose to live so far away from campus. My stupidity will be the death of me. It also didn't help that everyone was yelling at me when I was feeling overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do and I was already frustrated at myself, so I started crying.

Trees.

Creek #2. Less dangerous. Friendly rocks.

Cringe

I don't think that I suit the granola lifestyle or perhaps it's just the fact that I can't be around these people for such a long duration. It drives me insane. Anyway, I finally have wi-fi and reception. Being away from civilization makes me realize how necessary and incredibly important these things are in real life--or at least my life.

We scaled the side of this cliff...

To go into this creek (which was incredibly beautiful with clean and clear water), but it probably wasn't allowed...

...Only to cut my leg open due to a combination of all the dang algae growing on the rocks at the bottom and my uncoordinated self. I've pretty much spent my whole vacation bleeding. That's cool too, I guess... if you're a vampire.

Rampage

I think I need a vacation from my vacation. The last time I was so physically exhausted was on my birthday when I ran 12 miles and biked 40. Actually, I think running continuously is still less exhausting than what I've been feeling these past few days. Also, I don't know if it's possible to sprain your latissimus dorsi, but as usual I do the impossible. I'm pretty sure it's either from non-stop driving or continuous eating because that's all I've been doing as of late. Seriously though... the pain extends from my back to my thoracic cavity. :(

Well, there's a huge gash in my leg, so that's always exciting.

I'm sure no one wanted/needed to see my large pores, but it is what it is.

Also, here's Tuxedo Sam because he's cute.

Yellow

A while ago I realized that I can't mix my friends. It's kind of strange because they're all so great that, theoretically, they should all get along and live happily ever after. Of course, the things I conceptualize in my mind never actualize in real life. My friends are very different; personality-wise. The common denominator is that they're all incredibly nice to me and genuinely care about my existence. That's all I ask for, really. I don't think it's that difficult. Anyway, I'm only saying this because I brought two of my close friends together to hang out and it was so awkward I thought I was going to die. They both acted so uncharacteristically that I couldn't even facilitate conversation between them. I just sat there with my mouth half open like a doofus. I don't know, sometimes I forget that some of my friends are comfortable with only me because they act so naturally around me. I haven't really figured out why that is yet, but I get "because you don't judge me" often. Not sure if that's the case because it's not a conscious action.

That dock is really creepy. I walked to the end and thought I was going to fall off. 

I did 20 sit-ups yesterday and I'm sore today. Pathetic.

Carnivore

"Wait what does yours say? Common sense is extinct?"
"HAHA! No, instinct, but that too."

I think my fundamental problem is the fact that I keep assuming that certain things should be common sense when they're not. It's probably one of the reasons why I'm always disappointed in people when they don't call/text me if they're going to be late or if they don't call/text me randomly just to say hi. I feel like these things should be common sense, but because people never do it, it must not be. Okay I'm about to pass out--literally just took one--so I'm going to go before I write something I'll regret.

Centipede

I haven't slept well in four days. The dark circles under my eyes are no joke.

I'm trying to force so many things to happen that I'm getting really dizzy.

I've turned into a full time chauffeur. I actually don't mind driving people around right now because it makes me to engage in small brainless conversations and I'll temporarily stop thinking about pressing issues or miserable things in general.

Good bye cruel world. I'm going to Guitar Center. This is one of three places I escape to when I have a lot on my mind.

Cavalier

I have never felt so bad or ashamed of my age before in my life. People are so rude and condescending it's disgusting. My whole face was twitching as I tried to force a smile. I was fuming. Who do these people think they are? What have they accomplished in their lives to allow them such a right? Age is not indicative of intelligence or maturity--being older merely means there are fewer years left. I'm going to remember this. If I ever rule the world I'm sticking all of them into a giant ditch full of rotting fruit. This was so uncalled for. This is already the third consecutive day of disrespectful, pompous demeanor. Seriously, this one guy... I wanted to kick him. I don't know why he was so arrogant when his face looked like he ran into a wall and it got stuck like that. I'm so irritated. This is why I hate people. Never again.

Cranberry

HAHA! Apparently, I'm quite skilled at persuasion and communicating my thoughts effectively. I text her a sad face every hour or so for the past day. I'm such a brat. I can't believe you agreed to this. :) Honors convocation, presentation, and speech in 20 minutes. If only my thesis could finish writing itself while I'm doing other things.

Chase

I've never not studied so hard for a final in my life. If I told you guys what I spent my night doing you would laugh to death. -_- So dumb--not even guitar playing. Well, slack off until the end! I'm off!

Carpool

What do people without real friends do when they're miserable? How do they function and who do they turn to? Real friends are probably one of the most time consuming things in the world--second to boyfriends, but it's worth it. When you need them they're always there. Only recently have I realized what a spoiled brat I am to have this many people that genuinely care about my existence because most people don't even have one. It may be a function of not meeting the right people or it may be that they themselves are incapable of/do not put effort into maintaining relationships (most people are the second type). I used to think the second one was because they choose not to, but it's not that. It's just that they're unknowingly selfish and don't have the ability to care for anything that's not directly in front of them. Anyway, it sucks to be disabled in that sense. Poor fools. I'm lucky to have met the right people.

I'm so productive.

My point in saying all of this is that... you have very good timing with your phone calls and I am incredibly grateful. Like I said previously, I don't think that I'm a good person. I don't think it's possible for anyone to be, really, but it makes me happy when people I care about are convinced that I'm a good enough person to not have to put up with things that make me miserable. Also, "What are you doing with your life?! Stop thinking about this and go study for your final! You'll have an unlimited amount of time to deal with miserable things if you want to afterwards!" was needed. You know, even if you all decided to churn butter for the rest of forever, I would still think that you guys are awesome and amazing.

I wish I were incapable of feeling emotion. IRON MAN. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. 不是我不愛你, you seriously make it really difficult.

Can I ?

I know I said I would stop, but this is so accurate...

I feel less guilty because there are subtitles. Of all days why do I have to be so weak today? If you called me right now... I think I would just say yes. What is it called if I'm sad when I don't see you, but equally sad when I do? I'm just always sad these days even though I pretend I'm not and that I'm perfectly fine without you. All of this constraint and resistance is draining my energy. It would be so easy to give in...

Catastrophic

When someone that you don't like tells you that you're really nice to them and you're one of their best friends, it's probably time to re-evaluate your life. I swear, I don't do things to be nice, I do them because I think it's right/polite, but I don't think the general public understands my mentality. I offer people rides at night not because I particularly want to, but because it's late and I don't want to be listed as the person they were last seen with. If I'm nice to someone it will be blatantly obvious as I will go out of my way to do things for them--even if it's something that I don't like to do or wouldn't typically do for myself--because I want to and not because I feel that I need to, which usually only happens when people make me feel important. It's very dumb that people can't tell the difference, but maybe I shouldn't be complaining as this can potentially work in my favor.

I'm very delusional these days. The gloves are coming back. Oh, the gloves are... You know how I always wear long sleeves because lab is so cold? Well, since it's Summer, my hands tan and when I take off my jacket or sweater it looks like I'm wearing gloves. Attractive as usual. -_-

Okay, okay I'll stop with the Korean songs, but I really like these two. They're so cute. They make me smile when most things these days make me frown.

Ugh. That's it. I swear to you, I'm just going to marry the head of the Italian mafia. I can't school anymore. Too much knowledge is toxic.

Coriander

After I turned in my final my professor followed me outside:

"So Joanna let me ask you, what are you doing after graduation?"
"...I'm going to be a drug dealer."
"Now THAT is a good idea, but I think everyone should learn how to hack. If you can hack, you will succeed. Anyway, I'm sure you're getting several job offers, but if you want to you're always welcome to join my lab. I would be honored to work with you."

HEART. So cute. So very cute. You see?! This is my problem. I don't know what I should do because there are too many awesome people/institutions to work with. I'm such an idiot. When people offer me jobs I think, "YOU LIKE ME!!!" and then when I think things through logically it's more like, "Oh gosh, what am I going to do, I have to decide..."

shove
"Pfft. I filled out six pages for you to grade."
"What a brat, as usual. Let's hang out sometime."

I've been fortunate with TAs this quarter. I either don't have any or I like them. As you guys have concluded, I am a graduate student seducer -_-. All in a day's work.

Seriously though, this would likely happen if I ever tried...

Clear

I was at my lab the other day feeding my cells, unaware of the outside environment, so I checked the weather and thought, "Oh, woah. It's only 40 degrees? Is this thing broken?" --oh wait, my weather app was in Celsius, it was actually 104 Fahrenheit. Crazy.

"It's not really worth my time, you know?"
"Wow..."
"What?"
"...This is the first time I've ever seen anyone parallel park, eat chips, change the song, and carry a conversation at the same time."

Haha! All in a day's work. brushes off shoulder The space wasn't that tight though. ...and this is why I have high affinity for the police. Riding dirty. I accidentally studied too vigorously today because there was a lot of free time at clinic, so I have nothing to do now. Maybe I'll go wash my car. I was walking the bean and I saw a hose hidden behind some bushes and got really excited. I love being broke! YES!

Some guy was complaining to me about finals and he said, "Yeah, I need to study a lot because my two hardest finals are on Monday: Anthropology and Psychology." I honestly didn't know if he was being sarcastic or not because... really? I wasn't sure how to respond, so I just said good luck. Good luck to you all! :)

Contraception

When you know which barista is going out with who you know you spend too much time at Starbucks. This is all the excitement I encounter in my life. It's like a mini-soap opera that I've created for myself. Sad life.

Okay, so you guys know how going to the restroom is a function of timing and circumstance, so that you never have to see the person that either peed before or after you as you're washing your hands? Don't act like you don't do this because everyone does this. Anyway, I was leisurely using the restroom and this lady burst in, peed, and ran out so fast that I kind of got scared. She had to beat me, clearly.

Is it bad that I read that as prostitution? I got a little bit excited, not going to lie.

This song is so cute. If anyone needs study music...

66 page article. Really? How can anyone have that much to say? How do people have the energy to peer-review that? Walking dead. Then again, on the brink of death has become the norm these days.

Causation

Does it make me a creep if I smile at babies when their parents aren't looking? They're always so smile-y though, unlike the general public. I remember secretly playing peek-a-boo with a baby while waiting in line at Chipotle. His mom was carrying him and he was facing me, smiling. I stood there and made a fool of myself trying to make him laugh. Of course, when he laughed his mom probably thought, "Wtf" and turned around to see me playing with her kid. Yes. Received a nasty glare for that one.

This. Is. Brilliant. I have to try this out some time.

I think I went through 25 stages of grief and arrived at a conclusion by myself while -- is completely oblivious and thinks that everything is exactly the same as it was before. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I thought it could work, but I've concluded that we have to be peanut friends or else I'll end up being sad and miserable every day because I care too much. I don't think it's fair for me and I think I have to start being nicer to myself. I keep giving you excuses, but the truth is I don't want to see you because it hurts.

Contraband

Look! Look what came in the mail! Starbucks cards are always appreciated, especially around this time. I like this card though. I'll keep it forever. Caffeine is pretty much the only thing I consume consistently. Ah, I'm exploding with joy. Thanks~

You guys are so nice to me these days--from delivering lunch to my work to picking up my grad stuff to sending me finals care packages--the list goes on... is there such a thing as being miserably happy? My friends are so great :)

I like when people think about me and randomly say hi. I like it when people care. I like it when people make me feel important. I like it when people keep their promises. I like it when people don't make me wait. I like it when people put in an effort to keep me around because it makes me want to put in an effort too. I like phone calls--or texts, or even if you only email me a period at least I'll know you're alive.

I like his version better than the Juber original. I swear I'm not advertising on purpose it's just so good. I typically only listen to acoustic while studying, so you guys can join me.

I need to stop playing guitar. This is not good. I can barely make a fist with my left hand. It's times like these that I wish I were ambidextrous. I'm sure this isn't normal. I'm such an old person... Rheumatoid arthritis here I come!

Corruption

The loudest bird in the world has decided to plant itself on the tree directly outside my window. Instead of dealing with life right now I'm probably going to think of ways to capture it.

Man... I went in to work this morning and walked past my PI in the hallway. I waved at him and he responded, "What are you doing here?" I didn't really know what to say, so I just laughed and kept walking. Geez. I can't go to work without being questioned? I walked into my lab and my grad student gives me an odd stare and says, "What are you doing here? You know it's Tuesday right?" Freaking... I don't work on Tuesdays. I rushed off to class. No wonder. How embarrassing. What's even more embarrassing is the fact that this is not the first time that has happened. Why can I never remember the day of the week?! Why do I remember the name of my lab partner's pet iguana from three years ago?!

On a less-fail note, has a professor ever responded to you like this before? YEP. I feel cool right now.

I would feel cooler if I could finish my honor's thesis, this paper, that paper, and studying simultaneously. Since that's not going to happen I'm going to choose to go to a night club and strip while dancing on a pole. No one believes that. -_- In reality I'm just going to continue sulking in this corner and eventually cry myself to sleep.

Castrate

Since people have been curious I put together a collaboration of my responses to common questions I've been receiving as of late.

So what are you doing after graduation?

Did you decide where you're going to work?

Where are you going to live?

How are you going to pay for pre-professional school?

What are your plans for the future?

Okay? Got it? Any more questions? I'm going to go be miserable now. Good day. 

Commitment

"Oh, it's a really small town. They only have two Starbucks."
"Joanna... you judge the size of a town by how many Starbucks they have?"

HAHA! Subconscious action. It's kind of true though if you think about it...

I don't think I could ever do anything besides science. Reading non-science related articles makes me want to die. They're all the same to me. BS. That's probably what other people think about science articles. Seriously, I have the attention span of a drosophila. I read one sentence and I sigh loudly or groan in pain. For some reason I can read twenty articles about receptors and remain completely fascinated/entertained.

Cellular internalization of the alpha-3 subunit of the receptor has been confirmed in both human and rodent muscular tissue.

My PI can suck it. Spending three hours searching for this article was so worth it.

I keep making eye contact with this barista. I'm starting to feel quite uncomfortable. Right after I typed that he started sweeping near my table and said, "You look better when you don't wear your glasses." I'm not trying to be attractive, I'm TRYING to get this crap done. It's kind of sad that they know me as the strange glass-less glasses person.

If everyone turns on their air conditioning at once there will be power outages. Duh. Freaking idiot city.

"That's stupid. You don't have to be more understanding, you're the most understanding/forgiving person I know. There are people that you need to keep at a distance to prevent yourself from getting hurt because what they say and do don't match up. When they're in your proximity you think that they're amazing, but the moment you're out of their eyesight they only think about themselves."
^this is exactly what I needed, thank you~ just thought I should share some words of wisdom.

Chestnut

I think it's incredibly ironic that people say that I'm good in a crisis and that I always say the right things. This may be true... as long as it's not my own crisis. It's easier to look at someone else's problems and think of rational solutions because you're not as attached to those problems. If you care too much about something you often miss glaringly obvious truths because you're too busy inspecting every detail. Some people can be shockingly insightful at times. There aren't that many people that know how to calm me down or know the right things to say when I'm freaking out, but they probably don't know when I'm freaking out to begin with because I tend to joke around even more. I'm kind of an oxymoron, but it's become the way I deal with things. It's probably not healthy. I wish I had a logical robot that would reason with me at all times of the day. I started to think about everything as a whole and I realized that it's crumbling and

I'm going freaking