I finally stopped being such a useless person and expressed my distaste and irritation for my housemate's constant talking as she reads her notes out loud in the living room/dining room where I can hear everything because the walls are paper thin. I felt relieved. It felt like a great stress had been lifted from my shoulders. After I told her, I went back to my room and realized I was shaking like crazy. Why? Well, because I don't do confrontations. I can't handle it because I am a chicken. This is then why I am always the silent victim in every situation. I wish I could be more like other people who can say whatever is on their minds (or at least find someone here that would be willing to do that for me). Well, this was a big step. She stopped talking for the rest of the night. I got a lot of work done, and I was able to concentrate. Life was amazing.
Now, today. Guess what? The talking resumes. What the -bleep- right? That's what I said. Perhaps there was miscommunication somewhere in the conversation. However, I am rather certain that I did not say "Do you think you could be quieter just for today?" it was more along the lines of... "Hey, so... I didn't say anything this whole quarter because... yeah, but I can kind of hear everything out here in the kitchen and the living room from my room. To this she asks "What do you mean?" Okay fine, so I explain. "Well, I can hear every conversation that goes on, everything... and I've been trying to drown it out with music, but it's not working and it's really hard to concentrate so... do you think you could whisper or something.. heh heh?" She said yes, by the way (hooray!). Well, look what happened. I know. Maybe she forgot? Maybe she thinks I can't hear? Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. Perhaps I wasn't specific enough. Perhaps I should have defined the "sounds" as the ones coming from her vocal cords. Perhaps the problem was the fact that I wasn't assertive enough. Perhaps the conversation should have gone like this, "YO selfish B*&%$, STFU cuz I'm trying to study. You're F*#$&$* annoying. S*&#." Okay, I'll admit the last one wasn't necessary. However, you guys get my point. I'm not the type of person that would do something like that because it's rude. Heck, it was already hard enough for me to tell her anything as it was (it took 3 months and the stress of finals to get me to open my mouth; pathetic, I know). So, yeah this is what happens when you're me (fated to be a squisy marshmallow). Learn from my mistakes, be more aggressive... and then come and help me out because I'm miserable. I refuse to repeat myself.
I rarely make any sound at all unless I get up to use the restroom or sit down on my bed (it creaks apparently). The only time I play music is when people are being annoying and I'm trying to block out sound; this noise is intentional, but no one seems to get the picture... I'm so useless. I just don't understand. Is mutual respect so much to ask for? Apparently so in our society.
Ugh. Okay, I'm over it. After all, people are doomed to be people (it's what I learned last year - which is why I'm so pessimistic) and I can't do anything about that, so I might as well just think about something happy... like gingerbread men. Must get back to work. Hope no one else is miserable~ Don't die guys; almost there!
bang head against wall & cry <3
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