Say cheese

I better not be getting sick, but I wouldn't be surprised. 1. because it's unreasonably cold and 2. because last time I got sick was junior year, high school... remember how bad that was though? Really I felt like dying this morning, then again it could have been because of no sleep due to the fact that I drank too much tea. This is probably why I act like such a psycho at 7:30am. I wonder how it feels to be in a lab with me at that time. Thinking about it exhausts me.

Sigh. That's what I feel lately. Just, sigh. Sigh because my phone is failing me, my plan ends in a month, and there are still no good phones out (I really just want a flip phone, more specifically Blackberry Pearl Flip and in silver preferably, but at the same time everyone's balls keep breaking... ha-ha real mature, come on you guys know what I'm talking about). Sigh because I've been trying to wash my car every weekend, yet every weekend it rains. Sigh because this weekend is going to suck. And sigh because I walk around with this permanent smile plastered on my face when these past few days I've really been wanting to scream. You know what I feel? I feel like the greater my magnitude of unhappiness, the more I tend to laugh and joke around; it's just no one can tell the difference because I laugh and joke around a lot normally anyway. Life is better happy, agreed? (even if it's deceptive happiness... fooling yourself is pretty difficult). But as hard as you try you can't possibly be (truly) happy every moment of every day. Nothing can cure sigh days except baking. What's problematic is the fact that I'm never in the mood to eat anything I bake.

And what the heck man, why does every movie have to have that name in it. Not just one movie, but EVERY SINGLE ONE that I've watched in the past... month or so (which really totals to about... 4/5). What the heck man, I'm trying to forget about this dumb thing. Stupid Hollywood cinema; curse you, I'm trying to convince myself that I'm okay here and you're not helping the situation. Stupid movies. The next movie I watch will be an alien movie where the main character's name is Xylitol (yeah right... you guys know I don't watch that crap).

You know what? I found out that it is very easy to lure me out of the house. You guys might think this is impossible, but it's only because you guys aren't using the right methods. The only thing that could possibly drag me away from studying or music is the one and only, Pinkberry (ahem... or a huge sale at BR). I would probably go out with a stranger if they said they were going to go to Pinkberry. This is bad. Bad, bad, bad.

That freaking cat is going crazy. It's running around everywhere and head-butting my door. I hate cats, wow. All they do is get hair everywhere. So useless --it doesn't even eat the bugs. If that thing comes in here I swear someone will be eating cat sushi tonight.

Sometimes I don't understand myself. I don't understand why I can't trust people. I've been trying, but then it's always back into my little shell where only a handful of people are allowed to enter (hey the world can be a dangerous place). Being the pessimist that I am I don't see the point of crossing the street if I'm just going to get run over by a some drunk farmer with a tractor. What I mean is I feel like I'm in a good position, I have my 'people' already, but at the same time I'm curious about whether or not there are any other good people out there. I think what I need is for someone to prove me wrong. I need to meet someone that proves to me that not everyone is fake or bad (or anything with a negative connotation, really), and then maybe I'll start believing again. Anyway, sorry. That was a bit morbid. I've been thinking too much... again. Everyone is so far away there's no one here to slap some sense into me and tell me to stop thinking.

write essays & eat mints <3