Let's see what has been going on at my house this past week? Well... there have been monstrous amounts of ants and it felt like for a while me and my roommate were out killing ants everyday. Anyway, we call each other the dirty housekeepers now because we take out the trash/recycling, clean the kitchen, vacuum the floor (well, she vacuums the floor), clean the bathrooms, etc. Whatever, I really don't care I just don't like living in a dirty environment. I also don't like cats. Unfortunately, that stupid cat keeps going into my room when I'm not looking. I have a habit to not close the door all the way because I hate things that make loud noises. Then when I'm not looking that dumb cat sneaks in and then I have to lint roll the floor because it sheds as it walks. Freaking cat.
I think I give up on the bathroom though. I bleached everything inside, wiped down all the mirrors, wiped up the dust around the sink and on the counter top, picked up all the hairs on the ground, and then a week passes and everything is back to the dirty state. Not to mention there was bloody pee under the toilet seat. Wonderful. I don't understand. I'm frustrated at unsanitary things. Ugh my car is dirty too...
You know, what's wrong with me? (okay I know the list is endless, but stay with me for a second) After everything that has happened in my past experiences I find it really hard to trust people. This is a problem. What if someone amazing shows up, but I'm too busy building up my wall to let them in? Recently I've been thinking about this and I realize that the reason why I don't have any (or many) friends here is because I haven't been wanting any. I don't put any effort into talking to people and if I see someone that I have previously seen or interacted with I run away or pretend I'm really concentrated on texting someone when more often then not I'm looking at a previous text message. Heck, just the other day I saw this girl from my Biology lab and I hid behind a bush and played Skyburger on my iPod until she walked away. It's not that I don't like her... I don't know, I have problems. I guess essentially I'm afraid to get too close to anyone. I'm a soft person by nature and for the past eight years I've been trying to reverse that. Now I realize that I've morphed myself into some sort of robotic person that really isn't who I am. So, recently I've been trying really hard to break the barrier that I put up for myself. I've been talking to people. Surprising right? I bet all of your mouths are open right now. I'm learning.
School wise life has been alright. My brain is in school mode, so everything is getting done; however, I feel as if I can't focus because I keep thinking about other things. Okay I just realized that the way I phrased this made it seem as if I was thinking about some guy. No, I'm not thinking about some guy, instead I've just been wondering a lot about my future. The whole "what I want to do" vs. "what I want to do more" vs. reality. Some times it's hard to accept and I wonder if I can break past reality and what I want to do in order to reach what I want to do the most. Everyone tells me it's never going to happen. I think they try to discourage me because they don't want me to get hurt if it doesn't happen. But when people tell me not to do something because they don't think I will succeed... it makes me want to prove them wrong. This whole paragraph has just been strange. I'm not ready to tell everyone what's going to happen, but my faithful readers (you guys..) will be the first to know when/if it does.. probably either the beginning of December or January. I'm so vague.
There are a lot of things... that I can't say here.
My aunt said I lost weight. Without even trying?! No way. Score! I suppose that's the only good part of school... the stress translates into weight loss.
By the way, if anyone was wondering... while I was biking today a giant black wasp few into me and hit the top of my head. I then proceeded to scream and perform dangerous maneuvers on my bicycle and nearly caused an accident. I ran away quickly before people had the chance to get mad at me. Dude... that thing was huge.
gain common sense & run <3
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